Journal
Monday August 3
10:00 pm
My first day as a detective at
the 27th felt both nostalgic and familiar, as one feels when one returns home after a long absence, and at the
same time, foreign and unsettling. I found myself rather anxious with anticipation
driving in, and excited. Today was an orientation day that mostly consisted of
paperwork and getting acquainted with new faces and getting reacquainted with familiar faces.
The past, present, and future seemed to converge around me, through me, today.
I was pleased to see that the
bullpen has changed very little since Ray left. Dewey and Donald are still partners. I realized I hadn’t seen either of them since our embarrassing encounter at
the International House of Pancakes a couple of summers ago. Fortunately, the
incident did not come up during the course of the day.
I inquired of Dewey if he ever
heard from his old partner Jack Huey, and he told me that they had gone out for drinks last month, and that Jack was doing
quite well. He was satisfied with the course of his career, and was still with
his lady friend Jan. Jack is taking her later this month to Trinidad to finally
meet his parents and also, they had decided to extend the trip to include Venezuela and Guyana as well, to visit with Jack’s
other friends and family. I am envious of Jack.
I wish that Ray and I had the time and finances to travel more. While
I certainly have traveled extensively throughout Canada, other than my trip to Ecuador with Hugh and to a few spots in the
States, I am not well-traveled, which is one of the regrets of my life. The other
night in bed, Ray did mention taking me to Italy
one day, perhaps for our-ten year anniversary. I also said that I might like
to go to Scotland, to Inverness;
to become acquainted with the many members of Clan Fraser still entrenched in the area.
Before migrating to the Highlands, my people came from France,
so I have an abiding interest in that part of Europe as well. Additionally, I would like
to see England and Wales.
Micky Doyle now has another partner,
a young lady I am more than a little familiar with by the name of Elaine Besbriss-Franklin.
It was so wonderful to see her again. I am ashamed to admit that we have
not communicated in many months, as we have both been busy with our children and other aspects of our life. She showed me
pictures of young Evan, and I shared my photo of Carie. When Carie is older,
we thought we might bring them together for “play dates” as they are called these days.
In an odd twist of fate, my new
partner is to be Stanley Kowalski.
We have crossed paths before. Stanley and Ray once got into a bar fight
after Stanley made a derogatory comment regarding Ray’s sexual
orientation. We have encountered each other after that and have done our best
to let bygones by bygones, but I do still resent that, just a little, though I tried my best not to let it show today. I can’t say that I have really warmed up to him or him to me today, but I suppose
these kinds of things take time. Ray and I struck up a nearly immediate friendship
once I arrived in Chicago, but over the years I have learned what
an extraordinarily rare thing that is. We had declared one another our best friend after having known each other for just
a month. We were hardly out of each other’s presence once I returned to
Chicago after Gerrard’s hearing. I have to smile, even after all these years, thinking of flying back to Chicago
to Ray, wearing his blue shirt that still smelled of his cologne.
And it was also wonderful to see
Margarita Gamez as well. Marg tells me that Mario is doing extremely well at Clemson, and is enjoying a slower-paced way of
life in South Carolina.
He was enjoying the environment so much that he is thinking of switching his major course of study from Industrial
Engineering to Forestry after having spent most of the summer hiking with friends the Appalachian Trail
in Georgia and North
Carolina before finally returning home to spend August with his family. The rest of the Gamez siblings are all doing quite well
also, I am happy to hear. Marg’s eldest daughter will soon be returning
to their native El Salvador to teach in the public schools there, and Marg is both saddened and extremely proud that her daughter
has chosen to give back to her home country.
And lastly, I was thrilled to
spend most of the latter part of the day with Lt. Welsh. He took me upstairs
to Captain Miller’s office, where she welcomed me with open arms. I found this surprising, as I had the impression that
the woman never cared for me. He also took me to meet with Chief Silva, who it
seems I owe a debt of gratitude to, for (1) fast-tracking me to detective ahead of many others who have seniority, and (2)
getting me assigned to my old home at the 27.
The only spoiler to the day was
that I wished for a few moments that Ray was still here, and we could be partners again, official partners. Looking back, I realized that Ray and I actually had fun together, even though we were tackling some very
serious crimes. I miss those days. It
was easier, back then.
I also realized just how much
of Ray’s cases he must have kept from me, after sitting with Stan and reviewing his open cases. I am surprised again and again at how protective Ray was and still is of me. I am slightly offended, and deeply moved.
Stanley
has some thirty-one open cases, many of which were murders, rapes, and aggravated assaults.
Micky and Elaine had twenty-two, a manageable number, and Dewey and Donald, the most seasoned and proficient of the
detectives have only fifteen, however eight of those fifteen cases are murders. There was going to be a lot of work waiting
for me once I settled down into the daily routine.
But I wasn’t quite there
yet. There is a lot of training and observation to be done. Chief Silva is sending
me to Detroit tomorrow, for an intensive five-day seminar on general crime scene management, and shortly after my return,
I will be traveling to Eau Claire Wisconsin for a course in domestic terrorism investigation and then finally, there is yet
another course; the Reid technique of interviewing and interrogation that I am expected to complete in Columbus Ohio, which
will fall the same weekend of Ray’s birthday, a fact I’m sure he will be less than thrilled about.
All other training that I need
I can complete in or around the Chicago area, thankfully. I spoke to Ray about my travel plans on his dinner break tonight, and predictably, he was annoyed. We had
plans to go to the Cubs game on Saturday. We have not been to a game together
in the past two years, and I know Ray was really looking forward to it, as was I. He
understood, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
I am sorry to say that I will
be away in Eau Claire when Tony and Maria drive Raphy to UNLV. Raphy is terribly excited. We have been
trying to provide him with a little extra expense money by having him baby sit Carie from time to time, or by giving him various
errands that neither Ray nor I have time to do. We took him to Wal-Mart on Saturday
so that he could purchase his own bedding and other dorm supplies and he was beaming from ear-to-ear. But this is also a sad time. Ray tells me that as the time draws closer, Maria is becoming depressed; her
baby boy is leaving her, unlike Paul and David, to live half way across the country and it is not sitting too well with her. Well, what can one do? That is life. I will miss him, too.
Thursday August 6
8:15
pm
Classes were good today, very
intense. I’ve met some interesting people from the local force, as well
as many others from police departments throughout the Midwest. I’ve found that my time working with Ray in the past has been tremendously helpful, as most of the
techniques and procedures I am quite familiar with already. I’ve done my
reading for the evening and had some dinner with Andrew Ellis, a fellow detective from Gary and Albert Yates from Oshkosh
Wisconsin.
The room is quiet, but there is
much noise in the area. I hear footsteps and loud voices in the hallway, sirens,
car horns and various other city noises. The air conditioning is so extremely
loud that I can’t sleep with it on, so I sit here in 85 degree heat and humidity, sweating it out. There is a small outdoor pool, and some of the officers have opted for a nighttime swim, but I saw the
pool in the afternoon sun yesterday and it didn’t look especially clean. Perhaps
I’ll take a cold shower instead.
I miss Ray and Carie. It was strange to leave them, to load up the car and drive away without them. I realized shortly into the five hour drive that I had not taken a road trip without Ray since arriving
in the States. And this was my first extended trip away from Carie. I missed her sour milk smell. I called first thing in the morning and each night. I could hear Carie babbling when I spoke to Ray this evening. She
was almost shouting.
I cannot wait to return home on
Sunday. I know Carie is too young to miss me, but I feel terribly guilty being away from her.
Saturday August 8
6:15
pm.
I am furious with Ray today. When I called yesterday, I asked about Carie, and he told me that he had taken my
daughter to the house and left her there, as though she were a piece of furniture. It’s
not that I mind where she is. I knew she is being looked after. It’s just that Ray had the weekend off and wanted to get rid of her so he could have some “peace
and quiet”. As though she were a bother.
I was a little too sharp with him than I meant to be. I supposed I was
hot and exhausted and irritable. But I was hugely aggravated. I was hoping the good that would come out of my being away this weekend was that he and she would bond
a little better, but Ray threw his opportunity away. Ray picked up my tone and
immediately pounced on me, and from there, the conversation quickly spun out of control.
I don’t think I’ll ever get used to Ray’s hair-trigger temper.
For the most part, I ignore his outbursts, but sometimes he is so confrontational he’s impossible to ignore.
I don’t know about Ray’s
skill or desire to parent sometimes. I worry about what he will impart to Carie
regarding manners and etiquette and proper respect for authority. I know Ray
has a good heart. It’s just that his behavior is easily misconstrued by
the very young.
It is a matter that will need
to be addressed at some point. Hopefully later than sooner.
Sunday August 9
9:13
pm
Home at last. I arrived in Chicago a few minutes after six,
and drove straight to Ma’s. Raphy and Marissa were playing ‘peek-a-boo’
with Carie and she was having the time of her life. I had dinner with Ray, Carie and the rest of the family. I said my good-byes to Raphy. We hugged one another and I
got a little misty-eyed, much to my embarrassment. I wished him the best of luck
with his course of studies and told him I looked forward to seeing him at Christmas.
I realized suddenly that Raphy and I were eye to eye when we spoke. I
don’t know when he got so tall.
Carie fell asleep on the short
drive home, and I carried her from the car. Ray carried my luggage. We made love and all was forgiven. We have not done it in
two weeks. I asked for seconds after I had a shower. Ray and I need to talk, but not tonight.
