Benny & Ray 136

Revelation

 

 

I turned the corner onto North Octavia Avenue, collar turned up, leather cap stuffed down over my ears, hands stuffed in my pockets.  I’d lost a glove somewhere today.  It was frigid out here.  Course its cold, Vecchio.  It’s the middle of December. Wish I was in Miami right now, me and Benny sitting on South Beach, watching Carie play in the sand.  Maybe we could get down there in late winter.  Be nice to see Aunt Gigi again, too. 

 

A strong wind picked up, cutting right through me.  I hurried up.

 

I had another reason to hurry, besides the cold.  Hopefully, I’d catch Benny still up.  Usually Monday nights he stayed up late and did homework because he had class on Tuesdays.  If I was lucky, he’d be done by now, and I could coax him into a little nookie before bedtime.  He was still kind of reluctant to ‘do it’ under the same roof as my mother, but he was getting over that pretty quick.  I mean, what choice did we have?  Ideally, no, we wouldn’t be living at the house, but that’s just how it was for the moment. And hopefully it was going to be a brief moment, the way things were shaping up.     

 

I couldn’t wait to be in my Benny’s arms again. My love.  What I love about Benny most during the winter is that his body is so hot, literally.  He always complains when I crawl into bed and put my cold feet on his warm legs, but I always make it up to him in plenty of ways.  Here I come, Benny. 

 

I loved sex with Benny late at night.  He was usually pretty mellow and took whatever I had to offer.  When we did it in the mornings and he was full of energy? Forget about it.  I mean, he expects me to perform these marathons.   The other morning, we were going at it for damned near an hour, and I’m really, really close to the edge, and he whispers don’t come yet, Ray, don’t come yet don’t come don’t come don’t come and I’m like Benny, I’m forty-six years old here!  And I just kind of came all of a sudden, inside of him, and he shot me the dirtiest look I’d ever seen.  I’d had to whip out ‘the stunt dick’, a big rubber schlong that absolutely drove Benny out of his mind.  I smiled, remembering the look on his face when he finally came, the corner of his pillow stuffed in his mouth. 

 

Two more blocks.  Two blocks, and I’m out of the cold and in Benny’s arms again.

 

My street was really brightly lit.  Most of the neighbors had already put up their Christmas lights and other decorations.  The Migliorozzos and the Rainieris were battling for block supremacy again this year, each family trying to tacky up their front yard with more Santa and reindeer, snow globes, snowmen, and giant robotic elves than the other family.  Looks like the Rainieris had a little edge. They’d thrown in not one, but two manger scenes this year, on top of everything else they had going on.  Well, good for them. 

 

I thought I’d grab Benny Saturday morning, and we’d put up some lights around the first floor, get a wreath for the front door, and that would be it.  Like Benny says, sometimes, less is more.

 

One more block.  I took a deep breath.  Somebody was burning a fire.  The Lazios, I think.  I glanced up at the sky, looking for a billow of dim white smoke.  I stretched my neck, looking far above their roof- line for a moment, and saw a few bright stars out.  It was pretty.  I deeply inhaled the smoke-smell, and turned down my front walk, at last.

 

The porch light was on for me.  I glanced up.  Ma’s bedroom light was out, but Tony and Maria’s was still on.  The front parlor light was on.  I couldn’t tell if our study light was on or not; it was at the back of the house. I prayed that Benny’d still be up.  I wanted to hear his voice, wanted to feel his hands on me.

 

I jogged up the front steps, stamping my feet a little, to get some feeling back in my toes.  I keyed open the front door, and stepped inside. 

 

Benny was right there in my face.  I took a step back, a little startled. 

 

I caught the look on Benny’s face and knew something was wrong.

 

“What’s up?” I demanded.

 

“Ray,” he said, taking a step towards me, and stopped.

 

“Benny?”

 

“Ray. We have to talk.”

 

Shit.  That was never a good way to start a conversation.  Nothing good had ever come out of the words we have to talk.

 

“Alright, Benny.”  I pulled off my coat and removed my hat.  Benny took my things from me silently, and hung them up in the hall closet.

 

I moved into the parlor and plunked down on the couch.  “So, spill.” Whatever it was, it was best to just get it out and deal with it.

 

“Stanley came over tonight.”  Benny came and sat on the coffee table directly in front of me.  He steepled his hands together, elbows on his knees. And paused.

 

“Okay.”  I waited.  After all these years together, I’d learned that in some things, Benny wouldn’t be rushed.

 

“Stan found out some rather sensitive information that affects both me and you.”

 

I leaned forward. 

 

Benny’s eyes met mine, held them. “It seems that Captain Briggs is in the process of filing a complaint with Internal Affairs about the way the department handled the case of Tommy and the Domenicos.”

 

A sense of dread came bubbling up from my gut to the back of my throat. “Yeah?”

 

“Stanley told me that Briggs believes that you and I are responsible for the violence perpetrated against the Domenicos, a retaliation. He also believes other members of the district helped to cover up for us.”

 

My heart began to race, and held my breath, going utterly still.  Benny held my gaze, watching my every move.

 

“I told Stanley that that was patently ridiculous. I’d never do such a thing, and neither would you.” Benny watched me.  He watched my eyes, my face, my hands, my body, for any ‘tells’.  There was no use to lying.

 

“Oh, Benny,” I said helplessly.

 

Perversely, I smiled, feeling sick.

 

“Ray, you didn’t…you…you didn’t…did you?”  Benny began to shake his head in denial as I nodded.

 

“Yes, Benny.  Yes, I did.”*

 

Benny’s mouth made a perfect little ‘o’ and he gasped. 

 

“Oh, Ray. Oh…my Ray,” he said helplessly.

 

I said nothing.  What was there to say?