Benny & Ray 142

Winter’s Night

Snow fell gently on the Chicago streets. Ben wore his L.L. Bean stowaway parka for protection against the fat and heavy wet flakes.  Ray wore his long wool dress coat, his knit cap and scarf, and leather gloves. Ray clutched Ben’s hand, feeling secure to do so in the abandoned late-night streets.  He tugged his reluctant lover along.

“Why won’t you tell me where we’re going, Ray?” Ben asked.

“Told you.  It’s a surprise, Benny.”

Ben pressed his lips together.  He wasn’t in the mood for surprises. He was exhausted.  It had been a long day.  He and Ray had argued all evening about Ray confessing his crime to the proper authorities, paying his debt to his society.  Benny insisted that he do so, but Ray was having none of it.

They went at Round One right after Ben told him what happened at work today with Briggs, and seeing Dudley again. They’d taken a breather for dinner and then gone at Round Two.  Round Three came as soon as they’d put Carie to bed.

Things got pretty contentious when Ben threatened to turn Ray in if he didn’t turn himself in. 

During Round Four, Maria banged on their bedroom door to let them know their voices were carrying.   

Ray had made Ben get dressed for the weather, grabbed his keys, and put him on a forced march through the snow. 

They now trudged through the several inches of new-fallen snow.  The streets were quiet and empty at this late hour.  Ray guided Ben to the right, turning them down South Francisco Avenue.

Ray refused to say another word to Ben for the rest of the walk.

He tugged him along past the Baptist church, past the high school.  He made a left on West Lexington, and came to a long stretch of bungalows with tiny front yards and neat picket fences.

A few houses in, Ray stopped.  He had paused in front a narrow one-and-a half story brick bungalow. 

“Who lives here, Ray?” Ben said in tired annoyance.  “I don’t particularly feel like being sociable right now.  Besides, it looks as though no one is at home.”

“This was Uncle Lorenzo’s.  He managed to hang on to it after all these years,” he said.  “Me and Paul spent a lot of Saturday afternoons here, a lot of summer days, afternoons after school.  We used to climb that tree over there.” He pointed to a large naked elm tree that tucked away on the side.  “It seemed so much larger back then.  Course, we were so little.  So young.  Paul could go all the way to the top, though.  Me, I was too chicken.” Ray moved up the sidewalk, shuffling through the ankle deep snow.  “Come on.”

“What are we doing here, Ray?” Ben asked suspiciously. They climbed the porch steps.

“Just come in for a minute, will ya?”  Ray fished through his right pocket, and extracted a key. He unlocked the door, pushing hard to gain entry.  The sticky door opened with a pop.  Ray switched on the light, and stepped aside for Ben to enter.  “Lorenzo left it to Paul.  There’s a huge lien on it for back taxes, but he managed to hang on to it so he could keep it in the family.  Lorenzo always hoped he could lure Paul back to Chicago one day. Thing is, Paul’s pretty happy where he’s at.  So…he wants me—us to have it, Benny.”

Ben blew out a breath, looking around at the old house.  Even in the dim lighting of the living room they were standing in, Ben could tell that the house had once been beautiful.  The woodworking, of a rich dark mahogany, was worn and dirty, but well-crafted, sturdy.  An old couch was pushed against a wall, a side table with a cracked leg beside it.  The living room windows were boarded up.  He noticed a mahogany staircase down a narrow corridor.  Ben shook his head.  “Ray, Ray, Ray, I know what you’re trying to do.  You—

“Here me out, Benny.  Come ‘ere.  I wanna show you something.” Ray grasped Ben’s elbow and pulled him along, down the darkened corridor.  “Look at this,” he said, turning to the first room on the right.  “This could be our daughter’s room.  The sun shines so bright in this room in the mornings. We could put her bed right over here,” he gestured, “the dresser over there. The closet’s small, but we could put in more shelving, right?”

Ray indicated another room across the hall.  “And over here is another little room, for another kid.  I wanna have another baby with you, Benny. ”

“Oh, Ray,” he said with much consternation.

Ray pulled him out of the little room and down the hallway. “Bathroom’s right through there.  It’s kinda gross; we’d have to gut it and rebuild it.  We could build a double shower, with plenty of room for the two of us. There’s enough room for a double sink and a separate tub.  Come on.”  He grabbed him by the elbow and steered him on to the next room.  “This would be our room.  We could fit a king-sized bed.”  Ray pulled Ben toward him, and wrapped his arms around him.  “Wouldn’t it be nice to get intimate in a nice big king-sized bed, Benny?” He kissed him above his right ear.  “Mmm…the things I could do to you, lover.  Wouldn’t it be good?” He kissed the other ear. “I wanna make love to you here in this house.” 

“Ray.  Ray, don’t do this me.”

“Come on.”  Ray led him back out, down the hallway, and into the kitchen.  “This has gotta be redone.  Tony already promised to do the kitchen for us, and the bathroom, too. This house could be so nice again, in your hands, Benny. I know you’d make it good for us.”

“Ray.”

“There’s a big back yard out.  Pearson could have a place to run around all day when we’re at work and Carie’s in school.  And there’s another big tree out there, too, with a tire swing.  Carie would like that. And St. Leo’s is just down the street; she could go to the same school as her old man, right? And the high school is what? Five minutes away?  We could raise our kids here, Benny.  This is what you wanted, right?”

Ben turned his back on Ray, moved to the other side of the room, to get some distance. His head was spinning.  He felt a little nauseous.

“We could have a real good life together Benny.  But if I lose my job, if I go to jail… then, we got nothin’, you understand?”

Ben shook his head.  “You’re playing dirty, Ray. You know what you have to do.”

“What do you want me to do, Benny? You want me to just throw it all away?”

“I want you to do the right thing.”

Ray had moved up behind Ben, gotten in front of him, and wrapped his arms around him. “I love you, Benny.”

Ben closed his eyes in pain.  “Take me home, Ray.”

“Let me show you something else.”

Ray dragged his protesting lover up the creaky old stairs.  He tugged on the exposed overhead light bulb with a pull string. The air was so cold in the unheated attic that they could see their breath in the dim light. 

Ben looked around.  The attic space was wide open, and raw. 

Ray said. “We could turn this into music room for you.  Or a library, or both, I guess.  You could build wall-to-wall shelves, fill it with books. I’d be just your room. I won’t come up here and bother you, I promise.”

“Ray.  No. There isn’t going to be any—

“In this house, you could teach our kids to sing, play the guitar. Maybe they could take piano lessons.  We could fit a little piano in the living room.”

Ben took a few angry steps away from his lover. “How dare you do this to me now, Ray?”

Ray followed, grabbing Ben by the shoulders.  “Look at me.” He grabbed Ben’s chin, and forced him to meet his eyes.  “You want our daughter to have to visit her Papa from behind bars? Huh? That what you want?”

“You should have thought about that before you did what you did,” Ben responded coldly.

“Come on, Benny,” Ray said, gazing into his lover’s eyes, taking in his pained expression.

Ben pulled away.  He retreated, trotting down the stairs, and was in the living room an instant later, headed for the door.

Ray was fast on his heels.  “Benny! Benny, wait up. I got something to ask you, Benny. Please, Benny,” Ray called after him.  “Please stop.” Ben felt his restraining hands on his elbows. He relented.

He turned in time to see Ray slowly sink to one knee.

“What are you—

Ray fished through his left pocket.

Pulled out a brilliant and thick platinum ring.

“Don’t.” Ben felt hot tears spring to his eyes.

Ray gazed up at him, offering the precious metal.  “Benton Fraser.  I love you more than I thought it possible to love anybody. You amaze me with everything that you do. I want to spend every day of my life getting to know you more and more and more.    You are the only reason I live. I am nothing without you, Benny.”

Ben covered his eyes, anguished. “Oh, Ray!”

The tears fell, from both of them now. 

“And I know I don’t deserve you, Benny. God knows, I don’t!” Ray sobbed.  “But I’m begging you!” He bowed his head, overcome, out of breath.

Ben shook his head vehemently, trying to clear his head.  His vision was clouded by blowing snow, images of a raven-haired beauty with a dark heart, and the hard choice that he had made then, and the impossible choice that lay before him now.  He shook his head once more. “Please don’t ask me to choose, Ray Vecchio! How dare you do this to me now! How dare you!”

Ben cried silently, Dad? Dad, where are you? What must I do? Turn Ray in? Or let him go? Ben received no response.

Ray raised his bowed head, and resolutely continued.  “Robert Benton Fraser.  Will you marry me?” He offered the ring up reverently, like a sacrificial object. “Legally. Publicly. I wanna give my name to you, Benny. I want you to own my heart and soul.  Will you have me as your husband?”

Ben’s hands were shaking.  He looked at the proffered ring. And at Ray’s face.  At his eyes. At Ray’s trembling fingers, still clutching the ring.  Raymond Vecchio bowed his head, and waited an eternity.