Benny & Ray 40

Hugh

 

 

 

Hugh Braum sat near the front of the small auditorium half-listening to Professor al-Rahman’s lecture on Islamic Thought and Literature. At the moment, he dwelled on the career of the Prophet Muhammad and his impact on future generations of Muslims. 

 

To his right sat Ben Fraser, staring out into space and idly twiddling his pen. Ben hadn’t set pen to paper yet, while normally, a half-hour into the lecture, he would have taken several pages of notes.

 

He also had refused to be engaged in conversation prior to the class.  Ben, Hugh, John, and Sara had all made it a habit of getting to class fifteen minutes early so they could chat about their classes and personal lives a few moments before class began.  Ben had arrived early as usual, but had hardly said two words to any of them.

 

Hugh felt uncomfortable.  Up until now, they had kept things pretty casual. Their friendship, somewhat superficial, had been based on shared interests, namely outdoor sports and their classes.  Ben was fascinated by Hugh’s military background and Hugh by Ben’s RCMP service. They had only recently started hanging out together on a regular basis this summer, getting together with John, Sara and the rest of the Sierra Club regulars a few Saturdays to get out of the city for the day.  He and Ben had also started going off-campus to the Café du Monde for coffee or tea after class.  They had even recently gone door-to-door together, campaigning for Al Gore.  The presidential election was only two months away, and things had heated up considerably.  It had come down to Gore versus George Bush. And Hugh wanted to do everything he could to ensure a win for the environment-friendly senator from Tennessee.

 

During their time spent together, Hugh had even developed affection for Ben; the two of them were nearly as close as he and his buddy Nathan had been in the Marines.  So he felt obligated to find out what was bothering Ben so much, even though this was uncharted waters.

 

Hugh jabbed his right elbow into Ben’s side.  Startled, Ben looked at him with raised eyebrows.  Hugh smiled.  Ben returned the smile weakly.

 

Hugh reached over to Ben’s notebook and wrote Tea after?

 

Ben shook his head. 

 

Y not?

 

Ben sighed, and then wrote back in the page margin, Not in the mood.

 

Y not?

 

Upset, Ben wrote.

 

Y?

 

Just am.

 

Tell me.  I’m good listener.

 

Ben shook his head emphatically.

 

Hugh tapped I’m good listener with his pen point, just as emphatically.

 

Ben shook his head again.

 

Open up, Hugh wrote.

 

Ben turned and peered into Hugh’s eyes, surprised by the comment, measuring.  OK, he wrote finally.

 

Hugh smiled triumphantly. He smacked Ben on the shoulder again.

 

 

VVVVVV

 

 

As they walked to the coffee house, Hugh did not bring up the topic of what was bothering Ben, preferring instead to keep it casual.  They chatted about classes on the short walk to the Café de Monde.

 

“So I think I’m going to try to get into Professor Kennesaw’s Human Development and Learning class.  He’s supposed to be the best in the school. Didn’t you take something with him last fall?”

 

“In fact I did.  Social and Political Thought.  He’s very thorough. Very challenging.”

 

“Yeah, and I bet you aced his class, right?”

 

“Well, hardly,” Ben said modestly.  “I had to study quite a bit for his exams.”

 

“Still keepin’ up that 4.0?”

 

“I’m managing to hang on to it.”

 

Although following two different courses of study, the two men did share a lot of common classes.  Ben was pursuing his BA in sociology, while Hugh was going for a BS in Psychology and hoped to continue on to the Ph.D program in Comparative Human Development after completing his undergrad.

 

The two men had cut through the quad, crossed the grounds of the library, and shortly emerged onto 56^th Street.

 

“How’d you like World Hunger?”

 

“It was… a little disturbing.”

 

“Yeah. So unfair, how the resources on this planet get distributed so unevenly.  Depressing.  I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.  Most of the world lives in such deplorable conditions.  I ever tell you about some of the tours of duty I did, what it was like off the bases? A lot of my buddies ended up in nice places: Guam, Japan, Korea, Germany.  Me?  Iran and Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan.  Those people are all starving to death and nobody seems to care. ”

 

Normally, a topic like this would have gotten Ben going, Hugh knew, but tonight as he walked with slumped shoulders, back pack drooping from one shoulder, Ben only clicked his tongue in pity and offered no further comment.

 

Hugh gently punched him on the arm.  “Hey.  John and I are going running tomorrow. Wanna come?”

 

Ben shook his head.  “Nope.”

 

“Doin’ something with Ray?”

 

Ben shook his head again, blinking rapidly at the mention of Ray’s name. Bingo, Hugh thought. What was that expression? Cherchez la femme?  Or rather, in Ben’s case, cherchez l’ homme.

 

“So why don’t you just come along then? First triathlon of the season’s July first, you know. You should buckle down now. Shed a few pounds.” Hugh reached over and smacked Ben’s slightly rounded belly.  “I’m outta shape too, so we got work to do. Did I tell ya John said he’s going to be doing the ‘Iron Abe’ too?  Twenty-five miles of biking, six miles running and one swimming.  Asked me if I wanted to sign up. I told him ‘no thanks’.  I wanna make it to my fortieth birthday next summer, thank you.” Hugh chuckled.

 

They arrived at the café, and ordered their beverages.  Hugh got an espresso since he had to work his EMT job tonight, and Ben had a decaf Earl Grey.  They got settled in a high-backed booth near the back of the nearly empty coffee house.

 

Hugh gently broached the topic of Ben’s sore spot.  “So…what’s Ray doing this weekend that you’re not?”

 

“I wouldn’t know,” Ben said, attempting casualness.  “He’s not currently living with me.”

 

“What?! Since when?”

 

“Since a week ago today.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

“He’s back in his house.” Ben fiddled with his mug of tea, idly stirring.

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

“Ray… had… sex with someone else. A former lover.”

 

“He told you this?”

 

“He didn’t have to. It was easy to put two and two together.”

 

“And so…Ray is planning on being with this person? This former lover? ”

 

“No, Hugh, of course not.”

 

“You still want to be with him?”

 

“Yes, very much so.”

 

“Yet, you’re not with him now.”

 

“No.  Hugh it’s just complicated, messy.”

 

“Well, let’s look at it like this.  As though it were a case study that Professor Barton would give us in Cultural Anthropology, shall we?” Hugh said, gleefully putting on his psychology hat, “The solution at which you two have arrived is to simply walk away? Just like that? No attempts have been made to resolve this?”

 

“We argued for days.  We didn’t get anywhere.”

 

“Mmm.  Has he made an attempt to apologize? Explain himself?”

 

“He has.”

 

“And what was your response to him?”

 

“I told him I didn’t want an apology.  I want a confession.  He needs to tell me the truth.”

 

“What troubles you the most about this, Ben? The infidelity or the lying?”

 

“Both, I think.”

 

“Let’s pretend that that’s not a choice.  That you have to pick one or the other. Which would it be then?”

 

Ben considered this for a while.  “I…don’t know how to answer that.”

 

“You mean you don’t want to admit the answer.”

 

“Well, I can forgive the infidelity, in due time, not that I condone it… but… I can’t stand him lying to me.”

 

Hugh sat back in his chair for a moment.  He thoughtfully crunched on biscotti.  “You know,” he said at last.  “People lie for a number of reasons.  Usually, it’s a mechanism for self-protection, survival.  Often people who were severely punished as a child resort to this in hopes of lessening the severity of the punishment.  Or sometimes people lie because they feel powerless and getting away with a lie makes them feel better; these tend to be the pathological liars.  Many people lie to protect the feelings of someone else.  There’s even been some research to suggest that certain people are genetically predisposed to lying.  Fact is, very few people lie out of simple maliciousness.”

 

 “Ray’s not a malicious person.  I know that. He’s a good person.”

 

“What are some of his other good qualities?”

 

Ben smiled sadly.  “Where do I begin?  He’s compassionate and understanding.  Funny. Entertaining. Protective. Loving.  Supportive. Gregarious.”

 

“Sounds like he loves you an awful lot. Why do you think he cheated?  Because usually, it has little to do with sex.”

 

Ben met my eyes.  “You’re right,” he said softly. “It doesn’t.” He pushed his tea cup away.

 

“How long you been with Ray, Ben?”

 

“Almost three years as lovers. But I’ve known Ray for six years now.” He chuckled in sudden recognition.  “As a matter of fact, on this very day six years ago, I met Ray.” A big grin spread across his face.  “I went down the station, and he was in a holding cell, trying to shake down an Internal Affairs officer who was trying to shake him down.”

 

“What brought you to a Chicago police station from Canada?”

 

Ben’s face went blank. “My father had been murdered.  A lead brought me here. ” He tapped his tea cup with the fingernails of his right hands, refusing to look up.

 

“I’m sorry.  You never mentioned that before. That’s too bad, man.  What happened to your dad?”

 

Ben shook his head. “Long story.  There was a scam going on that my dad found out about, involving his best friend.  His friend Gerard was on the take, and also implicated my dad in the process.  Gerard had my dad killed when my father told him he was going to turn him and the whole lot of them in,” Ben said bitterly. 

 

“Your father’s best friend was deceitful. A liar.”

 

“Yeah,” Ben said.  “Turns out he was.”

 

“You seeing any connection here, friend?”

 

Ben’s eyes lifted to study Hugh. 

 

“Like I said.  Not every lie is meant to be malicious. Not every person who lies is evil.” Hugh broke another biscotti into several pieces and munched on another piece.  After a moment, he said. “If I were you, and I had to tackle this thing and get down to the bottom of it, I would talk to Ray a little more about the reason he lied to you and the reason you acted so strongly against that, rather than the sex act itself. I don’t think Ray is able to save this thing, and he’s tried but you aren’t doing your part. He’s reaching out, and you’re slapping his hand away. He knows that you know that he cheated and he’s apologized for it; why humiliate him by rubbing his nose in shit?”

 

Ben continued to stare in dawning recognition.

 

“Right?” Hugh said.

 

“Yeah,” Ben said.  “Yeah, right.”

 

“So…can I drop you off anywhere? I’ve gotta head into the hospital in a half an hour.” Hugh smiled.

 

“Do you know where Octavia Avenue is located?”

 

“You bet I do, Ben.  I go right by there. You ready?”

 

They rose, picking up their book bags.  Ben hesitated. “Hugh?”

 

“Yep?”

 

“Thanks.” Ben awkwardly and self-consciously slapped his chest.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Hugh said, and slapped his friend on the back.

 

Ben immediately slapped his arm, and Hugh hit him back.  They begin to giggle like two little boys, slapping and punching each other playfully.

 

“Come on,” Hugh said to his friend.  “Let’s get you out of here.”