Commitment

I peeked out our second-floor bathroom window and watched the guests arriving. I was brushing my teeth as I held up the white privacy shade, staring down into the front yard.  I was running late, of course.  Story of my life.  Guests had been arriving in a steady stream for the past fifteen minutes, and I had just now hopped out of the shower.  I still had to shave and get dressed. 

Luckily, Mike P. and Jake had stepped up and volunteered to act as my greeters/ushers while I finished getting ready, and Bruno helped the caterers get set up.  The street parking in front of the house had already been taken.  And the opposite side of the street was filling up pretty quickly too.  As I watched, I saw my sisters pull into the last open spot.  It was just the two of them.  I knew Pop wasn’t going to come, but I thought Ma might, anyway.  But I guess that generation couldn’t handle two men getting married, just couldn’t get over themselves.  I was surprised at Ma, though.  I thought she’d come through for me.  Plus, it wasn’t like her to miss a good party. The thought of her not being here made me a little misty-eyed.

I let the shade fall, and I stooped back over the sink and spit, rinsed my mouth with water and then with Listerine.  As I stowed my toothbrush, I heard the door open and then Bruno’s footsteps behind me.   Looked up and smiled at him in the mirror.  His hands came around my waist.  His hot lips landed on my neck, sending a shiver up my spine.

“You’re not even dressed yet?”

“Sorry.  I still have to shave.  And do my hair. And iron my pants.”

“You’re worse than a teenage girl. I told you that you should have started getting ready earlier,” he admonished, yet nibbled my neck.

“I know, I know.”

He continued up the other side of my neck.  “I think I saw Patty and Carla pulling up.”

“Yeah.”

Bruno squeezed my waist.  “Want me to iron your pants for you?”

“I’d appreciate that, babe.”

He departed, giving me a gentle smack on the ass and a warning.  “Don’t dilly-dally. People are asking for you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

As soon as he closed the door, I went to the window again and peeked once more.   More of our guests walked up the front sidewalk.  This was exciting, all these people here for me.  It really wasn’t all that often that I was the center of attention like this.  Sure as hell wasn’t that way when I was growing up, smack dab in the middle of a smart older sister and a gorgeous baby sister.

I saw Buck walk up the sidewalk with his entourage of blond boys, looking like Hef and his bunnies.  My friend Kit and her gorgeous new girlfriend Jessica arrived.  A sudden gust of wind blew up the ladies’ skirts, lifting them.   

It was a gusty day today, although the sun was shining brightly in an azure sky. It was a perfect autumn day.  A perfect day to be married. 

Bruno and I had spent yesterday morning raking and bagging leaves, but last night, the wind started howling, and dumped more leaves on the lawn. It was kind of pretty though, the vivid scarlet Maple leaves on the still lush green lawn.  My friend Justin walked across the lawn, holding hands with a guy I didn’t recognized. The one guy I was really looking for, counting on, I hadn’t seen yet.  God, I hope he showed. I let the shade drop again, and set myself up to shave.

Bruno and I had decided to have another commitment ceremony for my family and friends at the last minute.  We’d gone out to California and done the official deed at city hall.  It was exhilarating but quick because there were lots of other gay couples waiting their turn. My hands shook the entire time as we stood there in front of the justice of the peace, exchanging vows, Bruno’s brother Menard and his best friend Augustus as witnesses.  I didn’t think I’d be so nervous. 

We spent a week in northern California, traveling through Napa Valley, touring the vineyards.  We spent a couple of days in a B and B overlooking Half Moon Bay.  We spent some time in the city, site-seeing.  It was nice getting to know Bruno’s friends that he often talked so much about.  I loved the San Francisco vibe…very laid back. Bruno said he’d take me back next summer.

And of course, our honeymoon in Hawaii had been a dream.  It was paradise.  Matter of fact, that was the name of the B and B where we stayed; the Absolute Paradise.  It overlooked a black-sand, gay-friendly, clothing-optional beach.  The views were spectacular and there was never a cloud in the sky the whole time we were there.  What an amazing place. If I didn’t have the pictures to prove that we were actually there, I would have thought the whole thing was a fantasy I’d dreamed up. 

Once Bruno and I got home, however, I guess I felt a little short-changed, missing out on a big to-do with friends and family like both my sisters had.  So, Bruno being Bruno, pulled together last minute a little ceremony for our reception.  Then we were sitting down to a lavish dinner and then, dancing in the big white tent in the backyard.   

I finished shaving, wiped the sink down, and then wet a comb and styled my hair with a little mousse.  I moved to the adjoining bedroom and slipped on my glasses.  I didn’t really need them to see, but the glasses camouflaged the fact that my face was still a little off, despite a summer of surgeries.  Bruno had left my pressed pants over the ironing board.  I slipped them on.  They were still warm. I then slipped into the rest of my clothes and joined my new husband downstairs.

Bruno grabbed me right at the foot of the stairs.  He grinned.  “Hey, you owe me ten bucks!”

“He showed?!”

“Yeah! He just walked in.”

“Get the fuck outta here.”

“Yep.”  Bruno pointed them out with a smile before heading towards the kitchen. 

Bruno and I had a bet that Ray would come up with a last minute excuse for why he and Ben couldn’t make it. Or he’d send Ben by himself, full of apologies.  Ray had never liked being around queers; he could get very condescending, turned into a real asshole.   That was the biggest thing that bothered me about Ray sometimes; that he really didn’t seem to think he was one of us.  Ben Fraser propelled the clearly reluctant Ray forward into our living room, guiding him by the elbow.  I leapt towards Ray and threw my arms around him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Oh, Tommy!” Ray whined, looking embarrassed. I stepped back. Ray looked good. He wore a chocolate brown Armani.  What little bit of hair he had left was buzzed.  He wore a sheepish smile. I loved Ray. I just loved him.

I gave Ben a hug, too, squeezing hard.  I think I loved Ben, too.  He was fire-engine red when I let go of him.

“Glad you could both make it!” I grinned.  “Ray Vecchio, you have shocked me.”

“I told you we was comin’ didn’t I?”

“Ben, tell the truth.  Did you have to drag him?”

“Ah. Yes. Yes, I did.”

I laughed at Ben’s unhesitating candidness.

“Well, thank you for getting him here. It means a lot to me.”

“Thank you for having us,” he smoothly returned. 

 “You know anybody here? Let me introduce you around.”  I spent a few minutes making the rounds with them before my sisters grabbed me, and I had to excuse myself.

Everything quickly fell into place.  The entire downstairs filled to capacity, and in time we slowly herded everyone to the back yard.  We had chairs set up on the lawn facing a simple white cross and altar.  Pots of burgundy garden mums and purple ornamental kale lined the aisle.  

Father Kim arrived at quarter ‘til, and we started the ceremony at two o’clock. 

The moment arrived.  I blew out an anxious breath.

This time, my hands didn’t quite shake as much, although I was still nervous with fifty people staring at me all at once while I committed myself to my man. 

Clutching Bruno’s hand, I repeated the vows that I’d spoken in San Francisco. “Respecting each other, we commit to live our lives together for all the days to come.  I ask you to share this world with me, for good and ill. Be my partner, Brandon Michael Massimiliano, and I will be yours.”

I held my breath as Bruno said to me, eyes brimming, “Today, Tomas Alessandro DeBenedetto, I join my life to yours, not merely as your husband, but as your friend, your lover, and your confidant. Let me be the shoulder you lean on, the rock on which you rest;
the companion of your life. With you I will walk my path from this day forward.”

We shared a kiss, and it was done.  Applause broke out.  I could feel myself grinning from ear to ear and Bruno and I stood facing our extended family, united. 

Ben Fraser was one of the first people I made eye-contact with. A flash of emotion swept across his face so quickly that I couldn’t get a handle on it.  Was it giddy happiness? Affection? Envy? Pain?  I smiled an encouraging smile at him.

Ben smiled back, a wobbly smile, as a single tear slid down his cheek, and I understood before that tear was completely shed, exactly what emotion I’d seen in his eyes. I wondered if Ray knew how Ben felt.