Benny & Ray 57

Fever

Ben awakened.  His first thought of the day, eyes still closed, was that he was hot.  The second was that he was hot and….wet. He opened his eyes, getting oriented. It was still dark out, so the street light shone dimly through the half-open mini-blind slats.

Ben still held Ray wrapped in his arms.  His first thought was that he had accidentally wet himself, and in a split second he wondered if it was Ray.  Ray had told him once that he had wet the bed until he was nine, and to this day, he still often had to get up in the middle of the night to pee.

Benny gently pulled away to investigate. The men had slept together naked. The dampness was mostly on his chest and thigh, and it was coming from Ray. 

The sleeping Ray was drenched in sweat.

His hair was so wet that it was plastered to his skull.  Ben reached out and touched Ray.  He felt clammy.

Ben’s sleep-addled mind and body snapped to immediate attention and adrenaline surged throughout his body. 

Ben immediately scrambled from the bed and grabbed Ray’s cell phone, scrolling through the speed dial numbers. He selected #3, and impatiently waited while the phone rang.

A cool-sounding professional voice answered.  “UIC Med Center, Pediatrics.  How may I direct your call?”

“I need Anna-Sophia Vecchio, please.”

“One moment, let me see if she’s at available.” 

Ben rose while he was on hold, cradling the phone to his shoulder, and was already dressing as best as he could with one and a half hands.  He had managed to slither into underwear, sweatpants and socks by the time the receptionist came back on the line.  “I’m sorry, she’s not at the nurse’s station; she must be on her rounds.  Can I help you or shall I leave a message for her?”

“No. I need her.  It’s a family emergency- please.  Can she be paged?”

“Who’s calling?”

“This is…her son, Benito.”

“Of course.  One moment.” No doubt used to dealing with crises all day, the young-sounding woman sounded unperturbed.  She placed him on hold once more, and he made use of his hold-time by shrugging into a T-shirt and same cotton shirt he wore back from Ecuador.  The line came live again.  “I’ve got her. I’ll connect you.” The phone instantly went dead and clicked several times as the line transferred.

“Benito!” Sophia cried. “What’s wrong?”

“Ma! Ray’s sick!  He’s burning with fever, and he has the night sweats!” Ben did his best to keep the panic out of his voice.

“Ah!” she said with consternation.  “He’s been running a bit of a temperature on and off for days. I finally got him to agree to see Dr. Bernardino tomorrow afternoon, but I see he can’t wait. What is his temperature now?”

“I haven’t taken it, yet.  He’s still asleep.”

“Benito.  Wake him up and take his temperature.  Then dry him off. I will call you back in five minutes. I’m going go down to Intake and see if one of the doctors can see him now.”

“Thank you,” he said with relief.

Ben tossed the phone aside and gently touched Ray’s shoulders.  “Ray? Babe?”

Ray did not move. His breathing sounded shallow. Ray’s face was so thin that his cheekbones poked sharply through the skin. His nose appeared even more prominent. He lay so still.

“RAY!!” Ben roared, panic bursting through.

Ray bolted upright, bloodshot eyes snapping open.  “What!! What!! What’s wrong? Izda house on fire?”

“No.”

“What’s the madda wit’ you, Benny?”  Ray dropped back to his elbows and moaned.  “What’s the madda wit’ me?  God, I feel fuzzy-headed,” he admitted. He fell back on the bed with a thud.  “I’m sweating up a storm. What the hell?”

“I called your mother. She asked me to wake you.”

“Aw, Benny! What’d you have to go and do that for?”

“Ray, you’re sick! I’m getting the thermometer.”  Ben was clearly in a no-nonsense mood.  He hurried out and returned with towel in hand, along with the digital device.   Ray opened meekly like a baby bird, and Ben placed the thermometer under his tongue. 

Ben took the towel up and yanked the bed clothes away from Ray, brusquely swabbing his thin naked body.  Ray sensed that it would have been unwise to protest, so he let Benny do it. Benny seemed angry.

The device beeped.  Benny extracted it and read the display.  104.2°.  A sense of dread made his stomach tense with nausea.  Ben dropped the thermometer on the bedside table and silently began to gather clothes for Ray; underwear, socks, and sweat pants, T-shirt and sweatshirt. He returned to the bed, and dropped everything next to Ray, intention very clear.  However, Ray scowled in puzzlement. 

“Do you need help?” Ben fiercely inquired.

Ray shook his head. He mutely and obediently began to put on the clothes. 

Ray’s cell phone rang and Ben snapped it up. Ray detected him mother’s distant, faraway voice.  “One hundred and four point one,” Ben replied.  “Yes.  Yes. We will.  Thank you, Ma.  See you soon.”

Ray raised his eyebrows, feeling a little afraid.  Benny was all business.

“Your mother has arranged for you to see Dr. Su-Yi Lee in forty-five minutes.  She’s Head of Infectious Diseases.  I’m going to heat up some chicken broth. You’re going to drink it while I take Pearson outside to do her business, and then I’m pulling the car up to the front curb. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes to get you.”  Ben slipped into sneakers and laced them.  He didn’t meet Ray’s eyes as he talked.

“Alright, Benny,” Ray meekly said.

Ben disappeared from the bedroom without a backward glance.

VVVVVV

Pearson whined, sniffing the brick walls and pungent Dempsey Dumpster behind the apartment building, protesting being forced outside to face the cold, biting January wind. Ben impatiently trailed behind her, just wanting her to relief herself so he could get back upstairs to Ray.

Ben hated himself right now. Something was really wrong with Ray.  His husband was sick, and he had been off in South America being kissed by another man.  While Ray was sick.  He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want Ray to see his red eyes when he returned. So he sucked it up.

Ben thought back to the first time he noticed that Ray was losing weight.  Had it been…September?  Something like that.  He had noticed early in the month, but then 9-11 happened, and Ben attributed the weight loss to the grief of losing Valerie, and stress. Ray often lost weight under stress; He had a super-high metabolism, and it didn’t take that much. Ben had seen Ray lose and gain many times over the years.

But Ray had also been having mild fevers on and off since November.  Each time, they seemed to go away on their own. There were lots of viruses going around this winter, and Ray tended to catch things easily, so he hadn’t thought too much of it. 

But this.  This was a screaming klaxon.  A red alert.  He thought to himself bitterly, I should have put two and two together quicker than this. I’ve lost my edge.   Or maybe I’ve been too self-absorbed lately. 

Pearson finally had the good sense to pee.  Ben impatiently tugged on her leash and got her pointed back towards the building door.

VVVVVV

Ben sat in the hospital lobby, reading the same Christmas 1999 edition of “Good Housekeeping” for the third time.  He impatiently tossed it aside, and dug for another magazine, but each one he had read cover to cover at least once already. 

After checking Ray in, Ben had called the consulate to excuse himself, apologizing profusely for his absence.  Mac was very understanding and insisted that he not worry.  She, Turnbull, and Chick were handling things, and everything ran smoothly.

Ben had next called Lieutenant Welsh and explained what was going on.  The Lieu told Ben to take as much time as was needed and wished Ray well.

Mid-morning, Ray was transported by gurney from the E.R. up to the second floor, where all the labs were.  Ben accompanied him.  He was relieved to be out of the large, noisy, and drafty waiting room of the E.R. and into the smaller and more private lobby of the lab.  He sat in the furthest corner of the room, away from everyone else. He had no intention of being engaged in a stranger’s small talk at a time like this.

Sophia had met them at the E.R., and helped him check Ray in.  She gave Ray a quick professional exam herself while they waited for Dr. Lee.  She noted that her son’s lymph nodes were swollen, particularly his right.   In the short time since Ben had spoken to her early this morning, Ray’s temperature had climbed to 104.6°.

They put Ray on fluids, and cooled him down with damp cloths to his head and chest from time to time, and started him on Tylenol. They then bundled him up and sent them to the lab for sample extraction.

After an hour, Sophia had to return to her own duties in Pediatrics.  She had sick children to attend to; children even sicker than Ray, and they couldn’t wait. Sophia had taken her leave after kissing her first-born. Her baby boy.

Ben waited until three o’clock to call the house.  That was when Raphy got home from school.  He asked Raphy to go to their apartment and get Pearson and bring her back to the Vecchio house; Ben had no idea how long they’d be.  He instructed Raphy to get the spare key to their apartment from the hook by the kitchen door. Raphy flew to the apartment, and returned with the dog shortly after.  He called his Uncle Ben to let him know that his mission was accomplished.  The boy’s earnestness made Ben smile for the first time that day.  Raphy was a great boy. 

He had taken Raphy out for a burger in December, to reward him for looking after Pearson when Ray was sick and he was away skiing with his sister Maggie. The two of them had a wonderful afternoon together.  It was the first time that Ben had spent an extended period of time alone with Raphy, and the two of them had bonded.  Ben had discovered Raphy to be sensitive, perceptive, and quick-witted.  Raphy was an Esposito, taking after Sophia’s side of the family.  Like his Uncle Paul and his Nonna Sophia, Raphy was fascinated by science and medicine. They had spent a wonderful day at the science museum together, shortly before Ben left for Ecuador. By the end of the day, Ben decided that he loved Ray’s nephew.

Ben shivered, staring out the window, watching the people on the sidewalk below come and go.  The afternoon crawled by.  He left once briefly to get fresh air, briskly walking the perimeter of the large medical center.

Sophia checked in on both of them several times during the course of the day, but because of her duties on the Pediatrics floor, she could only afford a few minutes per visit. 

They did have lunch together, in the busy hospital commissary, and spent a few moments after, together in the hospital chapel, before Sophia had to return to her shift.

Ben paced.  It soon began to grow dark. Ben stood and stretched, then moved to cross the room.  He stared out the large plate-glass window, watching the last of the sun’s orange rays fade into purple and black.  He caught his reflection in the mirrored dark glass; he looked haggard, bags under his eyes.  He ran his hand over this stubbly chin, grainy eyes.

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and turned around, startled.  Sophia wore her long winter coat, purse in hand. “Hi, Ma.”

“Benton, you should come home with me, rest for a little while.  My son is in good hands.”

Ben shook his head vigorously, suddenly unable to speak for the sudden lump in his throat.

Sophia understood.  She took his hand.  “His temp’s down to 99.8°.  His right lymph node is still swollen.  His test for influenza came back negative.  Negative on tuberculosis, too. Strep tests came back all-clear. Dr. Lee’s ordered a test for meningitis. He’s being tested for infections in his bladder, kidneys. They’re looking at his appendix, gall bladder, lungs. Whatever it is, Dr. Lee will find it.”

Ben nodded. 

“They’re going to keep him here for the night, Ben.  They’re getting him settled into a room. Raymond would like his pajamas.  Perhaps you go home and get them?”

“No.  You know Ray hates hospitals.  I can’t leave him here by himself. He wouldn’t like it.”

She nodded.  “I’ll send Tony then, or David. I can ask Christine, the nurses’ night supervisor, to bend the rules a little, let you stay in the room overnight. If you need anything, Celeste is on duty.  She’s a good girl; she’ll look in on Ray.”

“Thanks, Ma.”

“Francesca is on her way, too, to look in on Raymond. You should take a break, Benito.  Come home with me.  Have some dinner.”

Again, Ben shook his head vigorously, his bottom lip set.

“Suit yourself, il mio figlio.  I’ll call you before I go to bed tonight. I’m due back at six a.m., and I’ll come by and check on you both.”

“Alright.”

Sophia kissed his cheek.  “Whatever is wrong with my baby can be fixed.  So we wait for Dr. Lee to find the problem and in the meantime, we pray.  What else can be done?” She asked.

VVVVVV

Ray was discharged in the morning to await the results of his other tests, his temperature having subsided to near-normal.  He was put on bed rest, with instructions to get plenty of fluids.

All of Ray’s tests so far had come back negative, so the cause of his fever and night sweats was still a mystery.  Several more tests had been sent to the lab at Northwestern Memorial, since they had the most sophisticated equipment and some of the country’s most premier cell pathology experts.

Ben settled Ray in at home, setting him up on the couch.  He made him a hearty breakfast of oatmeal, topped with applesauce and cinnamon, and two thick slabs of hot buttered Texas toast.  He poured him a tall glass of orange juice. 

Ben stayed home with Ray.

Ray positively glowed, basking in Ben’s attention.  Clearly he felt much better, as he whined and complained to Ben all day long.  Ben attended to his husband’s every need, and kept pushing him orange juice and Gatorade.

He later rubbed his back down with alcohol. Ray virtually cooed. 

Ben put Goodfellas in the DVD player for Ray. Both items were his Christmas gifts to Ray, along with DVDs of Indiana Jones and The Matrix, and Alien.

Ben left the apartment briefly in the afternoon to go to the Consulate, check in with the staff, and pick up a laptop so he could get a little work done if his absence was going to be protracted. 

He went food shopping, made Ray lunch, cleaned the apartment, and made several trips to the basement to do laundry, washing their bed linens, and his and Ray’s clothes.  Ray had let his laundry pile up while Ben was gone.  He took several of Ray’s suits to the dry cleaners while Ray napped. 

Ben checked Ray’s temperature intermittently throughout the day. It remained between 99.1° and 99.6° all day.

Sophia came by the check on him after her shift, checking his lymph nodes once more and noting the right one still stubbornly remained swollen.  However, she was pleased to see that his temp remained stable.

Ben made a dinner of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and green beans, Ray’s favorites.  As a treat for Ray, he allowed him to eat his dinner in front of the TV.  They sat on the couch and watched The Matrix together.  Ben thought he discerned that Ray had a crush on Carrie-Ann Moss.

Ray had been in heaven today, eating up all the attention that Ben had graced him with.  Ben put the cherry on top of his day by giving him a long and serious blow job that night.  Ray had fallen asleep practically with the smile still on his face.

Ben lay in bed next to Ray, rolled over to his side, and watched Ray sleep.

VVVVVV

Ben opened his eyes, immediately sensing the bed next to him was empty. He rolled over and checked Ray’s alarm clock; it was 05:15.  He heard the toilet flush down the hall, and Ray appeared seconds later, looking bright-eyed. 

Ray returned to bed, and noticing that Ben’s eyes were open, happily flopped on top of him.  Ben put a hand to his forehead. 

“I feel fine,” Ray said.  “I think I should go to work today.”

“Oh, Ray…I’m not so sure about that,” Ben hedged.

“I feel fine. Really. Micky and I have a ton of cases to look into, and besides, Welsh probably thinks I’m faking it anyway. I should go in.”

“Ray, you just got out of the hospital.”

“Yeah, yeah, but I feel great, Benny.  Whatever it was, I think it’s gone.  Probably just some twenty-hour bug thing going around.”

Ben wrapped his arms around Ray, squeezed.  “You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, Benny, I’m sure.”

“Alright,” Ben said, gently taking Ray’s face in his hands and kissing him.  “But I’ll run a bath for you, put in a little eucalyptus oil.”

“That sounds nice, Benny. Will you scrub my back for me?”

“I can do that for you, Ray.  Is there anything else you’d like me to do for you this morning?” Ben asked, gently rolling until Ray was firmly underneath him.  He unbuttoned Ray’s top button, and kissed his collar bones. 

“Mmmm. Yeah, that.  That’s nice.  A little lower, Benny.  Yeah. A little lower. Lower… Lower.”

Ben kissed each of Ray’s little nipples before continuing his journey downward.

Soon, Ben’s mouth was poised over Ray’s navel.  He kissed it.

“Mmmm. Almost there.  A little lower still.  Just a little more.”

Ben laughed joyfully as he unsnapped Ray’s pajama bottoms.  He wore no underwear, so his semi-erect penis tumbled out through the fly.  Ray spread his thighs.  Ben leaned in and kissed the organ.

“Yep.  That’s it. Right there.”

He wrapped his hand around Ray’s penis, and took it into his mouth, sucking on it like it was a Tootsie Roll Pop.  He swirled his tongue around the head again and again until Ray’s cock was completely hard. 

“Does that feel good?” Ben whispered.  Ray had placed his hands on Ben’s shoulders. 

“Yeah,” Ray whispered back.  The first little drop of pre-ejaculate had leaked out. Ben licked it up using the very tip of his tongue.  The drop was replaced by another, and Ben did the same.

“More?” he asked

“More,” Ray replied.

Ben removed Ray’s pajamas from his raised hips, slipping him out of them.  He then stretched out on the bed, settling in.   He slipped Ray’s hardness into his mouth, moaning, feeling himself grow hard with pleasure. 

“Oh babe,” Ray whispered, “Right there. Yeah.”  He placed his hands on the back of Ben’s head, gently undulating.  “Benito…Benito…ummm,” he said. “Il mio amore…mmmm.”

Despite the early hour, they both still managed to be late for work. 

VVVVVV

Ben was on the phone with Inspector Gillespie from the New York consulate when Chick interrupted to tell him that he had Ray holding on his line.  He knew that Ray was expecting Dr. Lee to call him sometime today.  Ben got the Inspector off the phone as quickly as he could without appearing to be rude, and Chick put the call through.

“Hi,” he said hopefully.

“She found something, Benny.”

Ben sat up in his chair, thighs tensing, gut wrenching.  “What is it?”

“She’s not exactly sure yet.  Some problem with my B cells that they want to look at again.  I don’t even know what a B cell is. She wants me to come down for more blood work.”

“When?”

“Anytime this afternoon.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“Benny, it’s just blood work.”

“Ray, I’m coming down.  What time shall I be there?”

“Say…two-thirty?”

“Alright, Ray. Ray?”

“Yeah, Benny?”

“I love you.”

“I love you,” he replied.

Ben waited for Ray to hang up. 

He dialed the number for the UIC Med Center so that he could speak to Sophia about B cells.  There were a number of reasons for B cells to be abnormal, and Ben didn’t like any of those reasons.

Ben steeled himself for some very difficult days ahead. 

VVVVVV

Ben sat at his laptop in their study.  He worked not so much to catch up on work as to distract himself from this afternoon’s events. 

Ray had more blood and urine samples taken today, and a chest X-ray.

Dr. Jan Taddeo, the hematologist assigned to Ray’s case, explained the situation.  Ray did have abnormal B cells, which along with T cells, fought infection, hence the recurring fevers that Ray had been experiencing over the weeks. 

Dr. Lee informed them that she had scheduled Ray for a lymph node biopsy the following afternoon.  She had introduced Ray, Ben, and Sophia to Dr. Chapman, the surgeon who would perform the procedure.  The surgeon, in turn, sent them to the anesthesiologist for a short interview after their appointment concluded.

Ray, exhausted by only a partial day of work and additionally, the long afternoon spent at the med center, had gone for a nap as soon as they got home. 

Ben was just finishing a phone call to the INS office, on behalf of a local Chinese-Canadian citizen to try to straighten out a clerical foul-up with a U.S. green card when the doorbell rang.

Pearson, who lay at Ben’s feet watching him, stood up.  Man and dog looked at one another, puzzled.

Ben went to the door.  A petite brunette with big hoop earrings stood at the door.  She carried a large brown take-out sack.  “I talked to Ma,” she said, explaining her appearance.  “I brought fattening, happy, comfort food—barbecued chicken and ribs and corn on the cob, potatoes, and threw in some Boones Farm Strawberry for me and you.”  

Ben took the bag from Fran and stepped aside to let her enter.  Once inside, the young woman pulled off her wool coat, and dropped it on the couch, tossing her purse and car keys right on top.  She turned and held out her arms.

Ben had reached out and hugged her, laughing in sheer appreciation. 

“Hungry?” she asked.

“Starving,” he admitted.

“How are you, Benton?” she whispered, “Really?”

 “Scared,” he answered honestly.

“Me, too.”

They stood there in front of the couch, holding each other, swaying a little.  They heard a throat clearing.  “Am I interrupting something?” Ray asked.  He stood in T-shirt, shorts and white socks, looking very much like a little boy.  “Hey,” he said to sister.

“Hey,” she said, and gave him a kiss. “I brought you guys some dinner.”

“Smells good,” Ray said, “but I’m not too hungry.”

“Ray,” Ben said with sudden vehemence, “You’re going to eat!”

Ray put up his hands, placating.  “Alright, Benny. Okay. Okay.”

“I’ll get some plates,” Ben said.

Ray and Francesca threw each other a look after watching Ben leave the room; What the hell was that? The look said. 

Ben returned with plates, utensils and glasses. The three of them, joined by an inquisitive, begging Husky, sat down to enjoy dinner as a family.

VVVVVV

The biopsy went smoothly, and Ray was discharged in the afternoon.

Ben carried Ray, listless and sore, into his house and got him settled into his old room.  They were staying there tonight.

Ray was still nauseous from the anesthesia when they got him settled in.  His two inch incision was stitched and bandaged.  Sophia gave her son Demerol for his pain, and he slept. 

The children, once they returned from school, were cautioned about being extra quiet while Uncle Ray was sleeping.

Ben passed the time with Raphy, Donny and Roseanna, distracting them with Inuit tales and other stories from the far north until dinner.  Baby Marissa clung to Ben like a long-lost friend all day.  Ben believed the little girl picked up on his sadness on some level, and was trying to offer comfort in her own way.

Maria and Tony made dinner for the family.  Paul came by, sans girlfriend, and David, who was now working and had recently moved into an apartment with three other working guys, stopped by for dinner as well. Ray’s stomach had settled, and so he felt well enough to join them at the kitchen table.

Sophia’s silence during dinner alarmed Ben.  In all the years that he had known her, she had only been warm and effusive, never sad and quiet. 

Neither had she said very much today as they sat in the lobby while Ray was being biopsied; most of her thoughts she kept under her hat.  She sat quietly and did her knitting.

Ben had risen early this morning to go the campus library to give himself a thorough hematology primer.  There was extensive information on blood disorders, diseases, and abnormalities. He found no comfort in what he read.

Ben had not started his classes as planned this week. He had been pushing it as it was because he missed the first classes due to his extended trip to Ecuador.  This semester, he had a class in Political Sociology on Mondays and Wednesdays, Human Sexuality on Tuesdays and Urban Policy Analyses on Wednesdays and Fridays.

He was disappointed to not be attending, but the classes could wait.  Ray was his priority.

Ben was not disappointed to miss seeing Hugh this week, however.  They shared the Human Sexuality class, which was going to be awkward at best.  Hugh had called him after the first class last week, and left a message on their machine, wondering why Ben had missed it. Ben had not called him back.   

Friday and the weekend dragged by slowly.  Ben stayed close to home to be close to Ray.  Ben, Ray and Pearson returned from the Vecchio house Sunday night.

They were expecting the lab results Tuesday afternoon.  Tuesday afternoon came and went with no word from the hospital. 

Ben went to work and to class, finally, and his first meeting with Hugh after “the incident” was as awkward as Ben imagined it would be, especially given the subject matter of the class. Ben filled Hugh in on what was going on with Ray.

Ray returned to work on desk duty because his stitches were still in.  They would return to Dr. Chapman on Thursday to have them removed. 

Wednesday afternoon Ray called Ben and told him that Dr. Lee had called him at the station.  He told him that she had apologized profusely for the delay in his test results. She explained that they had to have another lab verify the results.  She told him that Dr. Chapman also had the results of his biopsy, and would explain further tomorrow.  She refused to give Ray any more details over the phone. 

So Ben, Ray, Sophia and the rest of the family had no choice but to wait to see Dr. Chapman. To Ben, it felt like he was waiting for an execution. 

VVVVVV

Dr. Ernest Chapman reminded Ben very much of his father.  He had similar features and was approximately the same age.  Like Bob Fraser, Dr. Chapman was direct and to the point. He quickly and efficiently removed the stitches in his exam room, escorted the three of them into his office, and got right down to the business at hand. 

“Raymond,” he said.  “We extracted malignant cells from your right lymph node.” 

Sophia gasped, tears springing to her eyes instantly.  “Oh, my!” she said softly.  Ben knew it was what she feared.  More than anything.  She had been so afraid that she could not even voice her fears to Ben or to anyone.

And so it was with him. He had zeroed in on the likely cause of Ray’s illness during his extensive research.  Ray had all the symptoms, and there was little doubt. What was left was for Dr. Chapman to say the words.

There was a long pause, as perhaps Dr. Chapman expected Ray to say something.  Ray was speechless.  Such a deadly, quiet stillness had descended upon the room that Ben for a moment could pretend that he had not heard what he heard.

Ray turned to look at Ben, a face of utter puzzlement.

“Lymphoma,” continued Dr. Chapman.  “The diagnosis is Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”

Ray peered at Dr. Chapman, his face blank.  He turned back to Ben, seeking reassurance,  a look of helplessness on his face— a look that said Help me understand this.  Do something.  Save me.

Ben stared back at him.  Feeling utterly helpless.  Wishing he could say something hopeful and inspirational, but he couldn’t.  He was paralyzed.