Solace

My brother and I sat on the couch watching “Saturday Night Fever” on videotape.  I knew he was depressed.  Whenever Ray’s depressed, there are only two people who can make him feel better; One’s Sly Stallone, and the other’s John Travolta, and he had watched both today.

It was just the two of us alone on a Thursday night. Tony was out doing some plumbing work for his cousin for some quick under-the-table cash.  Paul was out with his new college pals, and David was at the library working on a science class paper on the public-access computer.  Raphy was at Boy Scouts, and the younger kids were sleeping.  Ma was working.  Ray and I had pizza delivered, and downed an entire one in about twenty minutes.  The heartburn I was going to have tonight would all be worth it. 

Ray had taken a sick day, and had been on the couch for hours, first watching all the Rocky movies back to back, and then he put in “Grease” and now “Saturday Night Fever”, so I knew he was really feeling shitty.

Poor Ray had been moping around the house all week, really. He was on the outs with Ben. He told me about the thing with Tommy, and swore to me NOT to tell Ben, not even on my deathbed. 

I told him he oughta know by now to stay away from Tommy DeBenedetto.  Ray being alone in the same room with Tommy was like me being alone with cheesecake; there was only one outcome to the scenario.

And now he was going to have to deal with the consequences.  “You don’t think sometimes, do you Ray?” I had asked him. “How could you do what you did?”

He had only shrugged.

Ray was just hell-bent on doing wrong sometimes, I guess, even when he went into something with both eyes wide-open.  I remember when he was a kid, Ma had caught him playing with matches. When Ray was around eight or nine, he went through a pyro stage.  He loved matches and lighters, and burning things in the driveway or in the back yard, just to watch things burn.  Ma would tell him all the time, “Raimundo, don’t play with matches; your father’s going to get you.” And what would Ray do as soon as he got the chance? Burn more newspapers, magazines, old schoolwork…He must have caught half a dozen whippings for it, but he’d go right back to burning as soon as he could. It’s like he was a record player with a stuck needle.   

I tried to cheer him up, the poor thing.  Last weekend, I took him to a matinee of “Nurse Betty”, but that only helped a little.  Ray used to have the biggest crush on Renee Zellweger ever since “Jerry McGuire” but I guess she wasn’t floating his boat anymore.

The room had gotten chilly.  The nights were already getting noticeably colder even though the fall had barely begun.  I got up to shut the partially open window, and grabbed the afghan on the back of the couch when I came back.  I scooted next to Ray, and threw the cover over both our laps.

Ray threw his right arm over shoulders, and I leaned over and kissed his cheek before settling down with my head on his shoulder.

John Travolta was strutting around his room chanting ‘Al Pacino, Al Pacino’ when the doorbell rang. I sat up. Ray and I looked at each other, surprised.  Ray stood, pushed his feet into slippers, and went to the door.

I heard Ben Fraser’s voice, and then Ray’s, neither loud enough to make out what they were saying. Then there were twin footsteps on the stairs.  Good.  Hopefully, they’d work it out.

I settled the afghan around myself, and watched the rest of the movie.  I started to get drowsy.  By the time the closing credits began to roll, and the first notes of “How Deep is Your Love” began to play, I was nodding.  I jerked up when I heard Ray’s voice at my ear, felt his hand on my shoulder. He carried a duffle bag.  Ben was standing next to him, book bag slung over his shoulder.

“I’m going home with Benny,” Ray said. 

I came wide awake, then.  “Oh!” was all I said.

“I’ll call you later,” Ray said.

“Oh.  Okay.” I looked a question at him, which he pointedly ignored.

He grabbed his car keys from the side table. “Better go to bed, Maria.” Ray said. 

“Yeah. Hey, Ben.”

“Hi, Maria. Have a good evening.”

Ben took Ray’s hand, and silently led him away.

I went to bed with a smile on my face.