Veritas

Ray Vecchio awoke with the low December sun streaming across his face and wondered for a few seconds where he was.  Ben’s bedroom faced west, so he was used to waking up to darkness.  He blinked in the bright light, his eyes registering the brick wall opposite the bed.  He wasn’t at Benny’s anymore.  He was at their place.  In his bed. His and Benny’s bed now.

Sensing there was an empty space next to him, Ray rolled over to check.  Sure enough, Ben was gone.  He had taken Dief out for his early morning walk.  Ray smiled.  Benny really was a creature of habit.  He liked to rise at dawn and walk his wolf, no matter the weather. Last winter, Ray remembered Benny had gotten up and taken a walk with Dief in a blizzard with near whiteout conditions. 

Their morning excursions were longer than necessary for Dief to do what he needed to do, and Ray was sure that more so than anything, the walks were more about Benny having some alone time, some quiet time to be by himself.  Despite how close they were, Ray felt that Benny kept part of himself to himself…that there was part of his mind and soul that Ray could never touch.  The man just needed his space, genuinely just preferring to be alone from time to time.  Ray had seen that when Benny lived at home with him last year.  The rest of the family would be inside, kind of hanging out together, and Benny would be off by himself, reading a book in his room at night, or outside reading in the gazebo if it were daytime.  At first, this behavior had troubled Ray, who had never, ever been alone by choice.  He had thought that Benny was mad at him for something.  By now, he had come to accept it as the way Benny was.  It made him want to protect Benny even more.  It made him love him all the more intensely.

Ray idly wondered how much longer Benny was going to be.  It was a cold weekend morning and he had a free day. On days like this, he preferred nothing better than hiding under covers wrapped around his lover’s warm naked body until noon, luxuriating in the feel of his smooth skin.  Ray loved to run his fingertips across Benny’s skin, feeling it tightening into goose bumps.  Benny was particularly sensitive in the small of his back.  A few well-placed caresses there almost always lead to sex, which at the moment, sounded really, really appealing.  His cock agreed with him, and began to stiffen. 

Ray decided to rise and go pee before he got stiff as a board.  His bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor with a shock.  He rooted around on the floor for yesterday’s socks, and quickly slipped them on.  He made his way to the toilet, weaving his way around various boxes, naked but for a pair of white sweat socks.

They had a lot of unpacking to do.  Most of the shit was Ray’s of course; all of Ben’s worldly possessions fit into a four boxes, and that included Dief’s things as well.

Ray looked around the bathroom.  Evidently at some point either late last night, or early this morning, Benny had unpacked and set up the bathroom.  The shower curtain was up, a rug laid out in front of the tub, and their toothbrushes and shaving supplies had been put up.  They had an old fashioned claw foot tub, polished to a gleaming white, and two wide pedestal sinks that stood side by side. The small window faced a blank wall in an alley, so they didn’t really need a curtain, Ray noticed as he yawned and peed, peeking curiously out the window.   

They had made a late night of it last night, to cap off a long day.  First, they moved everything out of Ray’s room on Octavia Street.  Ray had hardly had time to pack a box, having been hit with two tough back to back cases at work.  If Benny were still helping him, Ray was sure they could have knocked them out in a matter of days rather than weeks, but with Doyle….well, things took a little longer.  Doyle was a good guy, but there was a reason that it took him so long to make detective. 

Ray realized he was being unfair.  Doyle wasn’t slow.  Ben was just unbelievably quick.   Working with Benny had spoiled him from working with anybody else.  Ben Fraser could make Sherlock Holmes look like a slow third-grader sometimes. Ray finished up his business, flushed and sleepily shuffled his way back to bed.

Yesterday, Maria and Frannie and his nephew Paul had all pitched in and helped him pack and carry boxes to the car.  Later that day, Benny had showed up with Joey Paducci with the truck and together with Tony, they had made short work of hauling out Ray’s heavy oak furniture, mattress, and box spring.  Valerie and Elaine had stayed back at Benny’s place to finish up with a few boxes and light items, and to vacuum and give the kitchen and bath a final wipe down.  Val had the boxes in her car, and Elaine had transported Dief in the back of her little Volkswagon bug. They had all met up at the new place, where the furniture from St. John Street had already been moved, neatly placed along a far wall.

Benny could have had triple the people helping him if he needed it; people were just falling all over themselves volunteering to help them move.  Everybody loved Benny, and would do just about anything for him.  And it wasn’t just the women, it was the men.  Benny was one of the last of the good ones, the guys who genuinely wanted to help people out of simple kindness, not because he expected something in return, and all kinds of people, young and old, black, white, Asian, and Hispanic, wanted somebody like that in their lives. 

Some of Benny’s old neighbors from the old West Racine apartment had still dropped in on him on St. John’s Street, with food, drink, or gossip.  Benny got monthly updates on the new building that was going up in place of the old apartment that had been irreparably damaged in last year’s fire.  None of the old residents could afford to live in the new condos, including Ray and Benny on their combined salaries.  And so Taylor got his way after all. 

And on St. John Street, Ben’s current neighbors had also dropped in unannounced, usually at the most inopportune moments as far as Ray was concerned.  Or they were always at one of their apartments, having dinner.  A few times they had had a building party of sorts, all getting together for an impromptu barbecue, Benny cooking up burgers, dogs, or chicken on his little Weber kettle.  They were all sad to see him go.  Benny and Ray, had considered staying together at the place on St. John, but in the end, Ray felt the place was just too small for his comfort.  And eventually, Ray had stumbled across the place on St. Donatus.  The owner was happy to have two cops in the building, and had lowered the rent by one hundred dollars, making it just barely affordable for the two of them. 

And of course, there was everybody at the station who loved Benny.  Many still asked about Benny every time they saw Ray.  Ray was surprised by how quickly things had blown over after the news came out about the two of them being involved.  People enjoyed the free drama of the Fraser-Vecchio story, as well as the Vecchio versus Vecchio sideshow, but after a few days, people got on with their lives.  With the exception of a couple of assholes who were assholes to begin with, nobody had a bad word to say to Ray about Fraser and him being together. 

In fact, Ray had gotten hit on a couple of times after that, he thought with some pride as he made his way back to bed, and tumbled in, pulling the covers up to guard against the morning chill. Ray found there were some women who were turned on by the idea of a man with another man. And the fact that he was good enough to be with The One and Only Benton Fraser meant he must be a hell of guy.  He had even gotten an offer from one woman to join her in a three-way, “if he and Ben were ever so inclined,” she had said.

And of all these friends, neighbors, and associates, not a single one of them had walked away from Benny when the news got around the neighborhood that Constable Fraser was sleeping with Ray Vecchio.  Not a single one.  In fact, people seemed to rally around him all the more. It was a lesson for Ray about the good in people.  He had to chuckle.  Here he was, thinking he was all big and bad and he was going to school the Canadian, who had arrived in Chicago still wet behind the ears; but in the end, Benny had changed Ray.  Made him see that many people could be good if you expected them to be, and if you were good to them in turn.   He was a better person for having known Benton Fraser, no doubt about it.

After Ben and Ray had moved all their stuff in, the day had turned into a party of sorts.  Ray and Ben had bought pizza for the hungry group.  Tony and Joey had gone down to the store to get some beer.  The girls had surprised them with housewarming gifts for their new home; they had gotten together on the sly and planned it all out.  Elaine had gotten them candles and wine for their first dinner in the new place together. She had given them both a kiss on the cheek and wished them well.  Maria had gotten them a torchiere floor lamp.  Tony and Joey had simply given them cash in a white envelope. Joey’s cash gift, in particular, was quite large.  His new shoe store, with its shoe repair and shoe shine nooks tucked in the back, was doing quite well, thanks in part to Ben’s constant referrals around the neighborhood, and Joey had wanted to express his gratitude. Ben was embarrassed by all the generosity, which Ray found very charming.

And Valerie’s gift had shown up a few minutes after they had finished the pizza.  It was a handsome Mission style desk.   “This is too much,” Benny had protested.  “You’re going to insult me by refusing it?” Valerie had teased.  They had both given her hugs.  Valerie had also kissed Benny, who blushed.  Ray had laughed, more with joy than anything.  Val and Benny had grown exceptionally close in the last few months, with made Ray feel good. It only made Benny that much more part of the family.  His Benny Vecchio. 

And the ‘piece de resistance’ was Frannie’s gift.   She presented them with a naughty toy and some flavored gel. Fran’s new side gig, since her sandwich business had recently folded, was hosting adult toy parties.  She had quite the collection of dildos, blowup dolls and vibrators stashed in her closet and under her bed, much to Ma’s chagrin.  But Frannie had told Ray that Ma just had to get over it, because she was making a killing.

Ben had turned beet red and looked like he wanted to fall through the floor from embarrassment once he peeked inside the gift bag and saw the little contraption.  Francesca loudly announced to the group exactly what the toy was, but Benny refused to take it out of the bag. He passed it to Ray like it was a hot potato. Everybody had laughed at his priceless reaction, even Ray. 

However, neither one of them was laughing when later that night, Ray had used the tiny prostate stimulator on Benny and nearly sent him into orbit with the force of his orgasm.  Once Benny used it on Ray, Ray had to agree with his sentiments.

Not surprisingly, Ray found that he had a sudden raging hard-on. Damn it, when was Benny coming home? He pushed down the bedclothes to his knees, nipples tightening in the chilly air, grabbed his dick and went to work on it.  He wished that Benny was here. He’d rather bury himself inside of Benny’s tight body than come in his own hand.  But Benny wasn’t handy right now, and he needed something. 

Ray stroked on, contemplating grabbing the cherry-flavored lube that was on the floor near the window, but that would have meant stopping what he was doing, and this felt too damned good.

Ray heard the front door open.  Benny returning as if summoned. “Are you up?” his lover called.  Ray could hear Dief panting from exertion. They both were, in fact.  They must have walked the three flights up.

“Oh yeah.  I’m up alright,” Ray called. 

“Where are you?”

“In the bedroom. Come here.  I’ve got something for you.”  Ray grinned at his own cleverness.  He spread his legs and cupped his balls as Benny appeared. “Can I interest you in some Italian sausage for breakfast, Benny?” Ray had long ago given up his reluctance to be crude in front of Benny.

“Well, in fact, I haven’t eaten yet, Ray,” Benny said with all innocence.  But then a crooked smile appeared, giving him away. He slipped off his brown leather jacket and dropped it on the dresser. Next, he stooped to pull off his shoes.  He approached the bed.

“No.  Take off the pants first,” Ray commanded, stopping him.  He picked up his heavy dick and began to stroke again.  Then he said, “Now, your underwear.”

Ben slid down his boxers and let them drop to the floor.  He stepped out of them.

“Lift your shirt tail,” Ray said.

Ben obeyed.  He coyly displayed himself for his lover.  Ray groaned.  There was something about the sight of Ben naked from the waist down that turned him on like nothing else.  And standing with his back to the dresser mirror, Ray could also get a good look at that marvelous ass.  Ray went into sensory overload for a moment as his dick suddenly released copious amounts of clear fluid as he lightly stroked. He backed off, and opened his eyes again.  Ben stood patiently waiting to be told what to do next, playing along with the game.  “Crawl to me,” Ray whispered.  His Benny obeyed.  Ray shivered.

He sat up in bed, and dropping his legs over the side.  He opened his legs so Benny could come up between them.  “Take it,” he said. Benny met his eyes, leaned forward, and took the organ between his lips.  He grasped the base and began to suck.  Ray groaned loudly.  He loved Benny like this.  Docile, obedient, and willing to take any command.  And Benny loved to be submissive.  Neither one of them had planned for their sex lives to be this way; it simply suited the both of them.  In their non-sex life, pretty much what Benny said went.  If Benny wanted to go out, they went. If Benny wanted to stay in, they did so.  If Benny wanted Ray to come home early from work, then Ray made it happen.

But in bed, Ray often enjoyed calling the shots.  Ben moaned around Ray’s dick, taking it even deeper down his throat.  His head began to bob.  Ray bent over and pushed the back of Benny’s shirt up, caressing every inch of bare skin that he could reach. Ben smelled like the outdoors.  His hair had the scent of a wood fire.  Several homes in the area must have had fires going in the fireplace to guard against the December chill.  Ray inhaled strongly.  He straightened up to run his fingers through Benny’s silky hair, to kiss his head and the side of his neck.

Then he collapsed, lying completely back, draping his knees over Benny, giving himself over to sensation.  He gently thrust in time with Benny’s motions.  Benny suddenly pushed forward and took Ray’s entire length down his throat. Benny buried his nose in Ray’s pubic hair.  Good Lord, Ray thought. 

“You read up on this, didn’t you?” Ray asked.

“MMMMmmmmmph,” Benny agreed, easing off.

“Do it again.”

And Benny did.

“Oh my God.  Sweet Jesus.  Your mouth,” Ray murmured with the most passionate of devotion.  “Aaaaaahhhh!”

Benny repositioned Ray’s legs, and slipped a wet finger inside. Ray jerked as Ben went down all the way on him as he expertly prodded his prostate.  The only thing Ray could think, urgent and desperate with need was. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. 

Benny continued, expertly playing Ray like virtuoso playing a fine violin.  

Ray felt a little guilty.  He knew he should be getting Benny off too, at least offering up a sixty-nine, but he didn’t want to stop what Benny was doing for anything. 

Finally Benny pulled off, climbing up on the bed and urging Ray to completely get on the bed.  “Come sit on my face,” Ray commanded.  Ben did as he was told, and took Ray’s leaking organ back into his mouth from the sixty-nine position.  Ray parted Benny’s ass cheeks and dove in with his tongue.  He prepared Benny with his own saliva, and after a few moments roughly pushed Benny aside, forcing him onto his back. Ray clambered to his knees.  Ben cooperatively held his right knee as Ray aggressively pushed his way into Ben’s body.  Ben was still in his flannel shirt, which was now pushed up to his nipples.  His cock had drooled slickness all over his belly as he clutched it in his left hand. Ben’s lips were swollen, and his face and neck were flushed. Benny was the hottest fucking thing on the planet.  Everything in Ray’s body tightened and spasmed as his orgasm hit him with the force of a tsunami just as he had barely gotten inside of Benny.  Ray helplessly rode the wave and then collapsed, panting, on top of Benny.  Shit.  That was over too soon.  

But Benny was still unsatisfied, so Ray still had work to do.  After catching his breath, Ray elbowed up and began to French his patiently-waiting lover, who idly stroked himself as Ray tongued him.  Ray climbed out of bed and retrieved their lube from the floor, and quickly returned to Benny.  He moved Benny’s hand off of himself, and dispensed a large glob in his palm, and warmed it first by rubbing.  Ray wove his fingers together, slipped Benny’s cock between his palms, and began to stroke.  Benny began to moan, his body going tense with pleasure.  Ray caught the beautiful gray eyes and smiled into them with love, just before Benny’s eyes closed in ecstasy. 

Ray took his time with Benny, watching his face for every cue for what Ben was feeling,  sometimes stroking fast, sometimes slow, sometimes using a twisting motion, sometimes stroking straight up and down.  Sometimes he used one hand, sometimes both.  Ben’s face began to tic as he strongly thrust into Ray’s hand, panting.  Ray knew he was very close.  Ray carefully leaned down, taking the cherry-flavored organ in his mouth.  He licked off every bit of the sweet goo, as though it were a lollipop.  He took the head into his mouth and sucked hard, grasping the base, as Ben arched into his mouth and came, bringing a satisfied moan up from deep down in his belly. 

Ray came up into Benny’s arms and frenched him, sharing the cherry flavor. 

Ray finally pulled back and grabbed the tousled blankets and covered them both up again.  He felt like he could sleep for a few hours more. Ray closed his eyes.

After a few beats, Benny said, quietly into the still room,  “Did you ever do that to Tommy DeBenedetto, Ray?”

Ray came wide awake. He came up to one elbow, stunned, and stared down his calm lover for a moment.  “What?”

“You heard me. Tommy.  Did you ever…get him off like that?”

“How do you know about Tommy, Benny?”

“People talk, Ray.”

Damn if Benny couldn’t come right out of left field with things.

Ray needed a moment.  He rose from the bed and went to the bathroom and wet down a washcloth with hot water.  He soaped the cloth down and washed his face first, then his genitals.  He rinsed the cloth and returned to the bedroom. 

Benny had not moved from where he lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling.  Ray could tell by the set of Benny’s mouth that, by God, he was going to have an answer. 

“Were you ever going to tell me about him, Ray?”

“No.”

“Veritas, Ray.”

“What does that mean?” Ray handed the hot cloth to Benny, who efficiently wiped himself down.  He unselfconsciously wiped smeared lubricant from his thighs, stomach, and anal cleft before dropping the cloth to the floor.

“’Truth.’  I told you about Steve. Why haven’t you told me about Tommy?”

“Your thing with Steve and my thing with Tommy were not the same.” Ray found a pair of sweatpants on the floor, and slipped them on.  He also grabbed a sweater from a half- open box near the window.  This conversation they were about to get into—he’d rather have it with his clothes on.

Ben had told Ray about Steve, who preceded Victoria by three years, a few nights after admitting to Ray that he was in fact, attracted to men.  Ray had asked him in the car while driving back from the Opera House after “La Boheme”, a question that had surprised both of them.  The following Thursday, Ray had asked the obvious follow-up question to his original, which was if Benny had ever acted on his attractions toward men.  Ben had initially declined to answer, but had changed his mind at four-thirty the next morning, having crawled into Ray’s bed and awakened him.  The man knew how to pick his moments.

Steve Loder had been with Whitehorse PD. He was the youngest detective the force had ever promoted, at age twenty three.  Some people saw Steve for the genius that he was,  but most people resented him for his early success, attributing his fast promotion to his uncle, who was the police commissioner. 

Steve and Ben had had seven months together before fate pulled them apart.  It had ended when Ben had been transferred by the RCMP to Flin Flon.  Ben wrote to Steve almost every day for a year, but as the time passed, Steve’s replies to his letters slowly dwindled in length and frequency. By the time Ben was transferred back to Whitehorse, emotionally, Steve had moved on. He had thought it best that they not resume the physical part of their relationship. Ben had been devastated. 

“How was my love affair with Steven not the same thing as your relationship with Tommy, Ray?”

“I dunno,  Benny.  It just wasn’t.  Tommy and I were just more like buddies.”  Ray had carefully edited himself here.  Fuck buddies is what he should have said.  But he couldn’t bring himself to be quite that crude with Benny.  “We were just kids really, nothing serious.”

Benny, who had been staring at the ceiling, finally turned on his side to face him.  “You’d have me believe that I was your first, when I wasn’t.  I don’t think I care for the deception, Ray.”

“What— you’re going to start ordering me around now? Don’t go there, Benny.” 

“If we’re going to make this work long-term, we’ve got to be honest with one another. It’s the only way.”

“Sometimes the truth can be brutal, Benny.”

“I’m not a child, Ray.  I can handle the awful truth. I can handle criticism, and I can handle messy situations. Sometimes, I don’t think you give me enough credit for that. You think I’m very naïve.” Ben looked nothing but earnest.  There was no anger in his voice or in his eyes.

Ray sighed. “You’re right.  I’m sorry.”

“So tell me about Tommy now.”

“You really wanna know?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

“Okay, well.  This is it.”  Ray took a breath. “Tommy and I had been best friends since the eighth grade.  We hooked up for the first time in the tenth.  Tommy asked to see my dick one day after school, to see if he was normal down there, to see how he measured up.  He could never ask anybody else but me.  So, I showed him mine, and then he showed me his…and then, you know, one thing led to another and we ended up jerking off together.  Nothing happened for a long time after that. We just kind of pretended for a while that it never happened. But then later we were fooling around again.  We stole some beers from the corner store and got a little buzzed.  We ended up jerking each other off.  Not too long after that, I started dating Annie.  Tommy got mad at me for that, and he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the school year.  That really hurt me.  Tommy was my friend.  But that summer, Annie and I broke it off, and one day the doorbell rings, and there’s Tommy, standing in the doorway.  It was the night of July fourth.  Everybody was out except for me.  I hadn’t felt like going out and celebratin’.  Tommy had heard about me and Annie breaking up.  He takes me up to my room, and Benny…he’s gives me my first blow job ever.  I think I lasted all of ten seconds.”

Ben smiled in sympathy, and leaned forward and kissed his mouth. Ray felt encouraged to finish his story.

“And then after that I returned the favor.  And I liked it.  And from then on, Tommy became my ‘go-to’ guy for whenever I was between girls.  But we never talked about love.  I was never in love wit’ Tommy.”

“Was he in love with you?”

“Yeah, Benny.  I’m pretty sure he was.”

“And when did it end?” He asked quietly, carefully.

Ray had the feeling that Benny already knew the answer, so there was no use in lying and getting called on it.  A full confession was what was called for.

“The last time we were ‘together’ together was after my divorce.  I was feeling pretty low.  He… was there for me.  Made me feel like somebody on the planet could still want me.  Like I had something to offer.”

“Someone does.  And you do,” Benny said.

Ray leaned forward and kissed Benny this time, in sheer gratitude for his wonderful response. 

“Can you stand to hear one more truth, Benny?”  Ray grabbed Benny and pulled his head to his chest.  He cradled him close to his heart.

“What is it, Ray?” Ben whispered.

“That I love you more than my life. I would kill for you, Benny.  I would die for you. Whatever you command.” Ray fiercely squeezed the man in his arms, his throat suddenly aching with emotion.

“I don’t want you to do either.  I want you here with me, always and forever.  I love you.”

The intensity of the moment was quelled by Benny’s stomach suddenly growling loudly in the quiet room.  They both giggled.

Ray said tenderly.  “I need to get my boy fed.” 

There was a sharp woof ! from the living room.  “And my wolf fed,” Ray added. “Come on, I’ll make you two some breakfast.” Ray watched Benny climb out of bed, naked as the day he was born.  “After all, I gotta keep your strength up; I’m not done with that ass today, Benny-boy.”

“We’re going to unpack today, right, Ray?”

“Oh sure. Yeah, whatever you say, Benny.” Ray had no intention of unpacking a single box today. After breakfast, Ray was going to sling Benny over his shoulder and haul him back to bed.  

He watched Benny inelegantly step into his boxer shorts and pull them up, adjusting himself to the right before pulling on his pants.  God, even that was sexy.  

“’ey,” Ray said, stopping him by grabbing his wrist as he walked by.  “I’m glad I told you about Tommy. I feel better.”

“The truth does have a way of setting you free, Ray,” he said with undisguised smugness. Ray knew what Benny was thinking.  I am only right for like, the millionth time, Ray.

“Come ‘ere!”  Ray yanked on Ben’s arm and pulled him close.  He gave him a long, slow kiss.  When he pulled away, Ben’s eyes were half-lidded.  There wasn’t a trace of smugness left on his face. “Now let’s eat,” Ray said.  He took Benny’s hand and led him to their kitchen table, where he made good on his word to feed one boy and his wolf.