Benny & Ray 55

The Middle of the World

 

Hugh Braum knocked on the door of Benton Fraser’s apartment hesitantly.  He could hear the raised voices from the end of the hallway, mostly Ray’s.  Sounded like one hell of a nasty argument. 

 

The noise ceased immediately, and within seconds, Hugh was staring at the red face of his best friend Ben.  Ben forced a smile on his face, and so Hugh decided to play along.  “Hola,” he said.  “You ready for your South American adventure?” he asked. 

 

“Sí, mi amigo,” Ben replied.  “Come in.  I’m almost done packing.  I apologize; I’m running late.”  He excused himself to the bedroom.

“You’re not late, I’m early,” Hugh called.  “I should have called.” Hugh had stepped into the living room as he spoke and he was instantly confronted with the person of Ray Vecchio, standing before him in a confrontational pose.  Here we go, Hugh thought.

He and Ray had reached a tentative agreement that they didn’t have to like each other, but for Ben’s sake, they’d be respectful of one another.  Judging by the look on Ray’s face, Hugh wasn’t sure if the truce was going to hold.  But Hugh decided to give Ray the benefit of the doubt. “Hey, what’s up, man?” he said in a friendly tone.

Ray nodded his head curtly.  “What’s up?” he asked in a seriously disinterested tone.  The thin man had gotten even thinner since the last time he had seen Ray, which was at John Ayer’s Halloween party a couple of months ago. Ray had been dressed as Groucho Marx, and Ben as the silent Chico, complete with curly blond wig and trench coat.

Ray wore Ben’s red RCMP sweatpants, rolled several times at the waist, and a white turtleneck and sweatshirt. The men’s husky, Pearson, was curled up on the floor next to the couch.

Hugh patiently tried again.  “How have you been?”

Ray shrugged with one shoulder.  “Been better.  Listen. You’re not fooling anyone. You’d better—

“Ray, STOP!” Ben yelled from the other room.  “Don’t start in on Hugh.”

“Nah, nah, nah, I’m just lettin’ him know, Benny, that I’m watchin’ him!”

“RAY! Manners!” Ben had rolled his luggage to the middle of the living room.  He pulled on a jacket and slung his knapsack, with bedroll attached, over his shoulder. 

“Pearson!” The little dog came to her feet, walked over to Ben.  Ben stooped down and took her muzzle between his hands and gave her a kiss.  “Be a good girl,” he said. “I’m ready, Hugh.”

“What about me?”

“What about you, Ray?”

“You gotta kiss for the dog, but not for me?”

“Ray, I don’t feel like kissing you.  Right now, I don’t even want to be in the same room with you.”

“Alright, fine!” Ray shot back, sharp tone not disguising his surprised hurt.  “Have a nice trip!” he said, voice dripping with sarcastic disdain. He headed for the bedroom and slammed the door.

“Let’s go,” Ben said, tightly.

“You going to leave it like that?”

“Hugh, in all my years with Ray, I’ve learned when to leave it be.  He’ll break something of mine after I leave, and then he’ll be fine. Let’s just go now before he comes out swinging.”

The men exited the apartment, and then the building, where one of Hugh’s church volunteers was waiting in his car to drop them off at O’Hare for the long journey to Quito, Ecuador.

VVVVV

Ben was singing a different tune by the time they reached their layover in Houston.  He regretted walking out without saying good-bye. 

 

They had traveled with several other volunteers from Hugh’s church, but once they landed, the large group split up into two- and threesomes. They had an hour layover until their flight departed.  Ben went in search of a pay phone as soon as they got inside the terminal.  Hugh said he’d be in the food court. 

 

Ten minutes later, Ben finally appeared around the corner, and made a beeline for Hugh.

 

“Everything alright now?” Hugh asked.

 

“Oh, he’s still in a bit of a snit.  He never liked the idea of me going away for two weeks, especially over the holidays.  Ray gets frustrated when I don’t do what he wants.  I wish he weren’t such…”

 

“Such of a pain in the ass?”

 

Ben sighed.  “He’s just so…childish sometimes.  He gets paranoid about…certain things.”

 

“He’s possessive, jealous, and insecure. I would be too, if I were in his shoes.”

 

“Oh, Hugh.”

 

“No, really.  Look at you.  Have you looked in a mirror lately? And look at him.”

 

“Ray is a very handsome man.”

 

“To you.  And to his mother, and that’s about it.”

 

“Hugh, don’t be cruel,” Ben said crossly. 

 

Hugh found it fascinating that even when they were on the outs that Ben defended Ray. Hugh wasn’t sure if he was capable of loving someone the way Ben loved Ray, so whole-hearted, unconditionally. He envied that. He wanted that.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.

 

They grabbed some sandwiches from Subway and sat in the middle of the crowded facility.  They both ate foot-longs; it was going to be a good seven hours before they touched down at Quito.

 

VVVVVV

 

They began framing their first house at six a.m. the next morning. The warm tropical days flew by quickly.  Hugh and Ben were in good and pleasant company, joined by nine other American volunteers and six South American volunteers.

 

Their original plans to build three two-room homes had expanded to include five, as more and more volunteers were added. The homes were 900 square feet, consisting of a living room with a small efficiency kitchen, and one bedroom. There were many built-in storage nooks, making the small homes as efficient as possible.  They had been designed by a student at the Chicago School of Design, and much of the components were made up of recycled materials.

 

They were staying in Esmereldas, and their work site was in Propicia Uno, a small, unpaved community on the outskirts of town.  The conditions were deplorable, and Hugh, Ben, and several other volunteers had some real concerns about the overall wisdom of building there. 

 

An old refinery heavily polluted the area, and in fact, had exploded several years ago, they were told, and the company had made very little effort to clean up the area.  The members of the community had filed a lawsuit against the refinery and won, but had not seen a dime of the money, and perhaps never would, as the case was dragged through appeal after appeal. 

 

The river smelled of diesel.  Many of the ladies complained that their white laundry became stained with a sickening, oily yellow residue when left outside for several hours.  Acid rain was common. Respiratory ailments were shockingly commonplace; the area was barely habitable.

 

But many residents there needed shelter.  It was better than having them sleeping in the elements, or in a shanty where the only source of drinking water was the same place people bathed, urinated and defecated. So, with mixed feelings, they settled into their tasks. They worked each day until sunset.

 

VVVVVV

 

They took Christmas Day off, and stayed in Quito, where one of the volunteers lived.  They dined on the local specialty dishes such as Arroz con Menestra, Camarón, y patacones - rice with lentils, shrimp and pressed green fried banana;  Tapao - wheat with fish and banana; Cocada – a dessert made of coconut, peanut and brown sugar; and Aguardiente de Caña - sugar cane liquor.

 

Most of the other volunteers called their families Christmas morning.  Hugh knew that Ben had called Ray, and they apparently patched things up, although Ben offered little other detail.  There was no family for Hugh to call.  His folks were dead, and his sister, a perpetually out-of-work actress who lived in West Hollywood, did not speak to him.  The person he most wanted to spend Christmas with was right there with him; He was content.

 

Hugh also became fast friends with a man named Umberto, who became the de facto leader of the group, and often led them on social excursions around town when the work was done.  He also got to know a man named Valentín, who was a native of Esmereldas.  Valentín had gone to college in the States, and had returned with a law degree to help the impoverished people of the area.  He took many pro bono jobs, several of which were class-action suits against the big oil companies to try to get them to clean up the environment they were polluting.

 

And Ben seemed to have taken a liking to Rafael, a soft-spoken Brazilian man who spoke English with a British accent.  Often times, Rafael and Ben stayed at the youth-hostel at night, rather than go into town and raise hell until all hours with the others. The two men were often joined by Ximena, a native of Peru, and Evelina, a Colombian.  Ximena had brought a guitar with her, and they sometimes played and sang together.  Ximena taught Ben some traditional Spanish folk-songs on their nights in. Occasionally Hugh would stay in so that he could enjoy Ben’s company.

 

So the days and nights passed.  It was a simple life that Hugh appreciated.  The small, solar-powered houses went up quickly, and they attracted quite a crowd of people who watched them work, the lucky residents of the houses especially.  A community lottery had been held, and the houses had been assigned.  Priority was given to families with children, of which there was no shortage. And the families would pay what they could afford to pay for the homes.

 

New Year’s Eve Day, they framed their final home.  It was going to be a photo finish, but it looked like they’d get all the homes completely buttoned up.  They may have to leave a few finishing touches like painting and putting down vinyl flooring, to the residents, but the houses were certainly habitable.

 

It was eighty degrees, and they all worked in shorts and T-shirts in the highly humid air. Ben and Hugh hammered side-by-side with smooth efficiency.  Hugh noticed that all of a sudden Ben was beaming.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I was just thinking of building a house for me and Ray someday.  ‘Course, it’d be a little bigger, and more luxurious for Ray…but one day, soon I hope, we’ll have a house together.” Ben had a dreamy look on his face.

 

Hugh sighed. He was tired of Ben talking about Ray.  The whole trip. Nothing but Ray, Ray, Ray.  Hugh changed the subject to bring Ben back to the here and now. “You going to the beach with the rest of us this afternoon, Ben?  Have a little tequila.  Let your hair down.”

 

“Wouldn’t miss it.  Do you think we can get to a phone beforehand, though?”

 

“Need to check in?”

 

“I miss him, Hugh.  It’s New Year’s Eve. I should be there with him,” Ben said sadly.

 

“If you don’t mind me saying so, I think you could use a break from him.  You and Ray seem a little co-dependent.  I’m concerned.”

 

Ben stopped hammering to look at his friend.  “Hugh.  I LOVE Ray.  I just love him.”

 

“You two obsess over one another.”

 

Hugh was met with silence.

 

“Don’t you think?” he prompted.

 

Ben only shook his head and went on with his work.

 

 

VVVVVV

 

 

Sunset. They had cooked fish and corn over an open flame on the beach.  Hugh and Ben were joined by Ximena, Rafael, Umberto, and fellow Americans Brad, David, George, Carol, June, and Jennifer.  Ximena had brought her guitar, and they sang songs around the fire.  It was a very pleasant way to await a new year.  Half of the group had decided to sleep on the beach tonight, including Ben and Hugh.

 

People split up into smaller groups and wandered along the beach as the heavy golden sun sank towards the horizon. The foamy surf pounded heavily.  Ben and Hugh took a walk down to the water line, occasionally letting their bare feet slip into the water.  They watched reverently as the sun set over the Pacific, glowing in brilliant orange, scarlet, and violet. 

 

Ben seemed more and more pensive as the walk continued, and their sporadic conversation had grown to total silence. 

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

“I… was thinking of the people of Esmereldas, the history.  I’ve done an extensive bit of reading.  Did you know that this was a haven for ship-wrecked and escaped African slaves? Many of them intermixed with the natives, and created their own unique culture.”

 

“You were thinking of Ray.”

 

“I… was not.”

 

“You were.”

 

“Hugh.” Ben started to protest.

 

Hugh stopped, and turned to his friend. “Ben.  Look at me.” 

 

The gray eyes met his.  “Tell me you weren’t…fantasizing about Ray just now.” The wide eyes slid away from his gaze.  “No. Look at me.”

 

Ben met his gaze again, but was silent.

 

“Can’t lie to my face, can you?”

 

Ben shook his head, gaze averted once more. Hugh laughed out loud.

 

“So, how is your ever-loving ‘husband’, anyway?” Ben could hear the invisible quotes around Hugh’s heavily spoken ‘husband’.

 

“He’s a little under the weather today.  He’s going over to the house and watching the Dick Clark special with his mother, niece, and nephew. He says he misses me terribly.”

 

“And the feeling is mutual.”

 

“Yes. We’ll miss our kiss. It’s been a several years since I’ve had no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve.”

 

Hugh saw his opening, and he took it. He took a deep breath. Here we go, He thought.  Either I make a fool of myself, or… 

 

“Then let’s go back the camp.  I’m sure you can find a volunteer or two who’d love to kiss you.” Hugh stopped walking.  “Of course… I could volunteer, too,” he said in a voice that he hoped was casual and friendly.

 

Ben was silent for a long thirty seconds. “What?” Ben finally asked.

 

“Ben. Listen to me.  Stop walking for a second. I’ve got a confession to make.” Hugh put his hand on Ben’s arm, curled his fingers around his firm bicep. “I heard part of the argument you were having when I picked you up for the airport.  What Ray said.  About me wanting you? It’s true.”

 

Hugh glanced down at Ben’s luscious lips. The setting was perfect for a first kiss. It was right out of a romance novel; a sunny tropical beach in an exotic locale. Sunset. Their real lives a world away.

 

Hugh stepped in very close to Ben, watching his face.  As Ben’s eyes moved closer together, tracking Hugh’s movements somewhat warily, his left eye deviated, as it was wont to do, sliding toward the inner corner of his eye.  His expression was utterly blank, mouth agape, staring at Hugh half-cross-eyed.  He looked so silly and so delightfully endearing that Hugh laughed, which only confused Ben. 

 

He leaned in and touched his mouth to Ben’s. Ben pulled back slightly, but Hugh grabbed his shoulders and held him in place. Hugh dipped his tongue inside his friend’s mouth. Ben tasted of tequila, lime, and exotic spices. His mouth was hot. 

 

Ben didn’t pull further away, but he wasn’t exactly kissing Hugh back.  He just stood there, letting himself be kissed, which was encouragement enough for Hugh.

 

A powerful surge of passion lifted him, and he kissed Ben ferociously.  Ben seemed to be waiting patiently. Emboldened, Hugh tried to pull Ben into his arms. 

 

This seemed to break the spell and Ben yanked away as if burned. 

 

Ben’s eyes were teary. Now it was Hugh’s turn to be confused. “Didn’t you like it?” He asked.

 

“How could you?” Ben asked.  He wiped Hugh’s saliva from his mouth.

 

“I thought-

 

“What? You just thought what?” Ben had taken a couple of steps back, distancing himself.

 

“Ben.  Listen to me. We have so much in common.  We have the most amazing conversations.  We see eye to eye. We want the same things. I could be a better lover to you.” Hugh reached out.

 

Ben drew further back. “And so you decided for me? That we should be together because it’s ‘logical’ to you, and that’s that?”  He turned and walked away from Hugh, headed back towards the camp. 

 

Hugh called to Ben’s retreating back, “I’m a better match for you than Ray.  Don’t you see? Even Ray knows it. Why do you think he’s so threatened by me?” Hugh hurried to keep up with Ben.

 

Ben stopped briefly to fling a look of cool disdain back at Hugh.  “How dare you?” He asked. He turned away again.

 

Hugh didn’t want him to go.  He wanted him to understand how easy a relationship between the two of them could be. How harmonious. How perfect. He called after Ben again. “Give me a chance, would you? Tonight we could—

 

“Hugh!” Ben turned back and Hugh raced to catch up to him. “I love my husband.”

 

“You live in a fantasy world sometimes, you know that? He’s not your husband. I know you wear rings but you’re not married, Ben.  People like you… and me.  We can never get married.”

 

“People like…But you were in the military.”

 

“Don’t ask, don’t tell,” he responded. 

 

“Why did you never tell me?”

 

“I thought you understood. The same way I knew about you and Ray without you having to explicitly tell me that you were lovers.”

 

“Ray was right.  I am naïve. This whole thing,” Ben asked, indicating the entire setting.  “Was this part of some elaborate seduction? You get me here alone, and then you…”

 

“Ben. No. I swear.  I’m not some sleazy guy on the make.  I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you for months now.  I’ve been trying to tell you since the triathlon, when Ray and I got into that argument at the bar? I saw I had my chance just now, so I took it.” Hugh took a deep breath.  “Did you like the kiss, Ben?” He blew it out.

 

Ben looked Hugh up and down, keen eyes measuring.  “I walked right into this.” Ben walked away.

 

“Ben. Stop.”  Hugh grabbed his elbow and forced him to a halt.  “You didn’t answer my question. Did you like it when I kissed you?”

 

Ben disengaged his arm, and walked away without speaking.

 

VVVVVV

 

One a.m.  January 1, 2002.  Ben and Hugh lay around the dying fire, along with Carol, Jennifer, Rafael, Umberto, and George.

 

The others were asleep, and Hugh and Ben tried to pretend that they were, each listening to the other’s movements.  Finally, Ben gave up the façade.  “Yes,” he whispered into the cool night air. 

 

Hugh pulled his arm out of his sleeping bag, reached out and put his open palm on Ben’s chest. 

 

“But that doesn’t mean it’ll happen again,” Ben whispered. “You must know that I’d never betray Ray, don’t you?”

 

“Yes.  In retrospect, I suppose I did. I’m sorry,” Hugh said, withdrawing his hand.

 

Ben did not reply. He was still awake a half-hour later when he heard Hugh begin to gently snore.

 

“Me too, Hugh” Ben finally whispered, staring up at the stars. “Me too.”

 

 

VVVVVV

 

Work concluded late Friday night, with the group, along with the residents, painting and flooring by lantern.  But, they got every last detail completed, and made a small ceremony Saturday morning of presenting the residents with keys.

 

After the ceremony, several of the American volunteers went right to the airport, bound for home, and a couple more were spending the weekend in Quito. Several were heading next door to Columbia for a few days. 

 

Hugh and Ben found the time to accompany Umberto and Rafael to the equator, the “Mitad del Mundo”- the middle of the world. It was precisely 0°0'0'' latitude.  They had a fellow tourist take a picture of the four of them.  Hugh and Ben stood in the middle with their arms around one another, while Umberto and Rafael flanked them. The picture of male friendship.  Hugh and Ben had both done their best to put the encounter on the beach behind them. Ben could easily pretend it didn’t happen.

 

Saturday night, the Ben and Hugh enjoyed a delicious dinner of native foods at a restaurant in town, along with George and Evelina, who had stayed behind to spend the weekend in Quito.  The American and the Colombian were strangers at the beginning of the trip, but had become lovers at the end.  They would soon be going their separate ways, and didn’t seem troubled by the end of their short-term affair at all. Evelina told them that she had spied June and Rafael kissing on the beach New Year’s Eve. And that June had told her about a certain two good-looking guys were also spotted kissing near the water’s edge.  Perhaps, she said slyly, there was simply something in the air here. Ben and Hugh refused to look at one another.

 

The two good-looking guys spent their last night in South America at Valentín's house. Hugh slept on the couch, and Ben on the living room floor, cool mountain breezes blowing through the opened windows.

 

Valentin dropped them off at the airport at 6 a.m.  Sunday morning.

 

VVVVVV

 

Sunday night it was Ray who was there to pick them up from the airport. He met them at the baggage claim carousel, strolling in wearing a long brown oversized overcoat. He wore a brown knit cap. Ben thought he looked like a little boy. Thick white snowflakes quickly melted on the brown wool, and glistened.

 

Ben dropped his luggage as soon as he saw Ray. “What are you doing here?” Ben cried with delight.

 

Ray shrugged. “I called John and told him I’d pick you guys up instead,” Ray said, coolly casual. “Save himself a trip.”

 

Ben threw his arms around him, voice pitched low.  “I love you, Ray. I missed you.”

 

“Love you too, kid,” he whispered back. “Don’t ever leave me for that long again.”

 

“I won’t, Ray,” Ben quietly spoke into Ray’s neck.

 

Hordes of fellow travelers streamed around them as Ben and Ray stood and hugged each other tightly as Hugh looked on with nauseating envy.  Ben had a look of pure joy on his face.

 

“Welcome home, Benny,” Ray said.  “Welcome home.”